Why Boundaries Are Necessary, Healthy and Loving

For a good portion of my life, I found it difficult to hear God's voice. Mostly I heard just static. Every so often, I'd listen to a song or get a nudge to do something, and mostly it was just quiet in my prayer time. In 2020, something broke open for me. I had been in a terrible place, working very hard in a few different areas. Yet, overall, I felt my life was stuck - and I wasn't making any progress anywhere. I looked at closing my business down and getting a job. My head was hurting from running into what felt like stone walls, and I was plain tired, battered, and bloodied. And I was embarrassed that I wanted to throw the towel in on things I had been working on for years. While many of the leaders I was coaching were doing well, I couldn't figure out the missing piece for where I was standing. And I was getting angry as it seemed my whole life was on the verge of one big meltdown. On a walk in my neighborhood in Virginia, I looked up at my street sign. I lived on Faith Court. The irony of God bringing me there. I decided that I would just start talking to God, and began asking Him questions as if He were walking beside me. I'd often sent clients on God walks, and today I felt this was my last hope. As fast as the questions came, so did the answers. Pieces of my life became clearer and I got an explanation of what had been going on behind the scenes when I thought God had forgotten about me. At the end of my walk, I had a re-commitment to going where God was leading even if it didn't make sense. It was profound and has led me to where I am today. Maybe you’ve felt that silence, too. That deafening quiet when you’re asking for direction, begging for clarity, and all you get is static. And maybe you’ve also been tempted to quit—to let go of what once felt certain, just because the road got too hard, too confusing, too quiet. Yet at times this silence isn’t a void, it’s an invitation. What broke open for me didn’t come from striving harder. It came from walking with God like He was right there beside me—because He was. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to ask God one real question today. Just one. Go outside. Take a walk if you can. Leave your earbuds behind. Imagine Him walking with you, then ask. Not with fear. Not with desperation. Just… ask. And listen. You might be surprised by what you hear when you stop trying to figure it all out and simply make room for Him to respond. You don’t have to get it right. You just have to get moving.

Have you ever struggled with taking action on what you really wanted? Have you ever wondered if you’re not living up to your full potential? Research shows most people regret the choices they didn't make and the chances they didn't take at the end of their life. Yet, I get how sometimes fear can paralyze you from moving forward with what you want most. Over the past several years, I've been learning how to walk by faith, moment by moment. And when I look back at my life, I realize this has been a journey that began a long time ago. I would never have left working in Federal law enforcement if I didn’t take the journey from fear to faith. When I made the decision to turn in my resignation, my dad wanted to know why I was going to move from the steady income of a 6-figure government gig... ... to a zero-dollars-promised opportunity opening up my own business. I had no business degree, knew no one who had ever owned a business, and was living 3000 miles away from my closest friend or family member. Still, I took the leap of faith and trusted a net would appear. That's what most folks don't get. You have to take the leap BEFORE the miracle can show up. The journey to get from there to where I am today wasn't a solo effort. The people around me shaped my growth. I chose to surround myself with folks who think differently — who have challenged me to grow and evolve way beyond what I knew. The right leadership and different communities I stepped into gave me the confidence to move forward, even when the path ahead wasn’t clear. That’s why I believe coaching and community are essential for anyone who wants to go beyond where they are at this moment. See, every day you get an opportunity to decide what you are going to do with your life. Moment by moment, time moves forward without regard to your answer. Where do you need to take a leap of faith? Remember, your life is simply the sum total of all of the choices you've made. If you’re not happy with where you’re at, make different choices. It really is that easy.  ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to examine your decisions and see where you might be playing it safe. Because comfort doesn't change the world.

When I was at the bottom of the pit, I stood in the darkness wondering how I had gotten there. It was so dark that I couldn’t even see my hand in front of me. And, deep down I knew how I got there… … yet to admit the truth would mean I had to look at all of the actions I had taken to get me to the abyss I was in. It would require me to take personal responsibility and be accountable for my actions. At the time, denial seemed easier. Blaming others seemed simpler. So I did. ~ My family history. ~ My background. ~ My genetics. I traveled a long and winding road to discover that the light I was seeking was in me all along. It takes me back to a widely publicized interview of two brothers. One was wildly successful… a wealthy professional deeply respected by his peers. Another was homeless… an alcoholic living from street corner to street corner. When asked how they got to where they were, both of them credited their father. “See… my daddy was an alcoholic…” yet they each took different roads. One took the road of personal responsibility and accountability. The other took the road of shame and blame. The tale of two brothers was living out in my body at that moment in time. One of my clients who I worked with over 10 years ago sent me a message after seeing one of my Facebook posts. “I thank God for amazing people like you and for giving me the opportunity to benefit from your knowledge and guidance from the first day we met (even from a distance). Thank you for reminding us of the true meaning of life and for inspiring us to be our own person. “Go out and shine your light.” - Lisa Marie Platske. You can take credit for some of the positive changes I made in my life. May He continue blessing you and all the people around you. Biggest hug.” She was in the same pit I was in years ago, and now she’s thriving using the tools I gave her. Most of my clients are fighting for peace… … for health … for happiness… … for success… … for meaning. They’ve sacrificed for others and been left bleeding by people who they called “friend”, lover, and even sometimes spouse. Many of them have seen the worst of the worst, and have the battle scars to prove it. And there is a piece of them that understands they too are destined for More. That there is a reason they’ve lived through this. I have had that same revelation and it’s why I’ve been to the bottom and am here now speaking about how to tap into your Divine Mission purpose and calling. I was given those experiences to be of service to others. There by the Grace of God go I. That is MY story. And, it just may be yours too. So if you’re trying to make sense of where you’re at, and it just feels dark all around you… ... remember the light within you. It’s there. And then remember, you weren't meant to walk this journey on your own. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to think of a time you found yourself in a dark place, where it felt like everything around you was falling apart. Name one choice you made that led you there. Then, ask: “ What would it look like to choose differently today? ” Your past doesn’t define you. Your decision to rise does.