To Be a Great Leader You Need to Utilize Emotional Intelligence
Lisa Marie Platske • October 25, 2018
Whenever Jim and I are out and about, and we see someone behave in a way that is rude or unkind, one of us will always offer another side to consider.
As someone who has experienced a lot of trauma and hurt in life, I’ve seen what a lack of emotional intelligence can do in heated situations.
From my work as a Federal law enforcement officer, I’ve learned that one of the most important leadership capabilities great leaders possess is emotional intelligence.
Defined as “the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically,” the term emotional intelligence or EQ was created by two researches and popularized by Daniel Goleman with the release of his book in 1996 on the topic.
I remember reading it in my master’s program and thinking, “This is brilliant – and I’ve got work to do.”
Intellectually, you may get that taking swings at someone with your words just causes more hurt, however, developing EQ takes intention and action to develop because it involves feelings and is centered in the ancient brain center.
This means you can’t try to develop EQ skills in a cognitive (academic) manner the same way you develop your intelligence quotient or executive function which is centered in the prefrontal cortex.
EQ works in partnership with cognitive skills – and you need both to be successful.
Out-of-control emotions deprive people of their cognitive decision-making which is one of the reasons the importance of EQ increases as someone’s career advances or they become more influential.
Studies have shown that emotional competence is twice as important as technical competence for mid-level executives.
For top-level executives, 90% success comes from emotional competency.
The single cognitive competence shown to make a significant career difference is the ability for “big picture” thinking or what Kouzes and Posner refer to as being a “visionary” leader.
EQ or Emotional Intelligence is comprised of Personal Competence and Social Competence, and has 5 dimensions with 25 associated competencies.
The 1st dimension of EQ in personal competence (or ability to handle ourselves) is self-awareness.
What I find fascinating is you can be incredibly self-aware – and accurately assess your own emotional awareness and be incredibly self-confident, and never move into the 2nd dimension of self-regulation where you are able to manage your emotions.
Being a leader worth following has many challenges as you must often deal with difficult people, and sometimes you’re the lone voice for positive change in the world.
One of my favorite quotes sums up emotional intelligence: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King Jr. – and I think it sums up emotional intelligence.
Martin Luther King, Jr. modeled the behavior he called for in others recognizing it’s not valuable to take a stand against the harsh words of others using harsh words ourselves.
Ultimately, great leaders who are worth following are emotionally intelligent beings who listen to others, learn from their mistakes, love people for who they are, and forgive themselves and others for their mistakes and misgivings.
Action:
The Upside Challenge of the week is to think about your own emotional intelligence or EQ. Have you moved beyond self-awareness and mastered the 2nd dimension of self-regulation?
People follow the person first, then their great plan.
Be a leader worth following.
The world needs you and your brilliance.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 29, 2025
Everyone has seeds of excellence inside them. When those seeds are planted in rich and fertile soil, they grow into something magnificent, something life-giving. I see it as your brilliance coming to life. When those seeds are thrown on rocky soil with the hopes of producing fruit, its chances of surviving are slim. No matter what you're journey has been or what heartaches you may be experiencing now, you can always cultivate new soil. Yet I'm clear that to do that takes effort, purpose, and intention. Whenever I have conversations with folks who aren't happy with how they're life is going, they often bypass the little actions that produce big results over time . The key words are over time . Most folks want results yesterday ... and feel to see all of the ways that their current actions have gotten them right where they are. Looking in the mirror with 100% honesty isn't all that easy to do. I used to want to be the best or I didn't want to play. I remember this clearly when I was on the cross country team when I was in high school. It wasn't that others were more talented. God had given me a runners' build, and I enjoyed running. Yet I wasn't all that committed to practicing, and so when it was race time, I did poorly. Today I'm clear that if I can't be consistent, it isn't something I really want. Imperfect action is better than no action at all. Stay the course. The seeds you plant today may not bear fruit tomorrow. That doesn’t mean the work is wasted. What matters is that they’re sown with intention. Keep tending to what matters most. Keep showing up with courage and care. The world needs what only you can grow. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to choose one part of your leadership that truly matters and pursue excellence in it. Pick a task or responsibility that holds weight in your role. Something that influences your business direction or shapes how your people grow. Then, take time to explore the latest trends or shifts in that space. Staying informed keeps your leadership relevant. Staying intentional keeps it aligned.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 22, 2025
Happiness, success, and meaning are drivers in my life. This is why I've never liked chit-chat, and why small talk makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel as if I'm frittering away the precious minutes of my life. I want to engage in deep, meaningful conversations where the exchange of my time and yours creates something of value in the world. That and the ability to laugh at myself with someone who isn’t afraid of going deep while finding God funny, too. Time waits for no one. There are no extra minutes in your day. I remember being a kid and thinking 15 minutes took f-o-r-e-v-e-r to pass. Now, I feel as if I can blink and 15 minutes passes me by if I'm not intentional about how I invest it. This level of consciousness in the leadership space means that you understand the value of every "yes" and every "no" in your life and business. You don't have time to spend frivolously. Every minute on the clock counts — and pulls you closer to what you want and what you're here on the planet to do ... or it takes you further off-course. The choice is yours. So be deliberate. What you say yes to creates your future. Make time for the people, the spaces, and the work that reflect who you are. Because not everything deserves your energy. And you were never meant to move through this life distracted or disconnected. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to track how you’re really spending your time. Choose one full workday and log your time. Not what you planned to do, track what you actually did. Use a simple tool like Toggl, RescueTime, Clockify, or even just a notebook and a timer. At the end of the day, review what you captured. What aligned with your mission? What pulled you off-course? What never should’ve made it on your plate in the first place? As a leader, your time is one of your greatest assets. Treat it with the same intentionality you bring to your vision. How you use your hours shapes the legacy you leave behind.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 15, 2025
I grew up watching my mother handle any obstacle life threw at her. I'm sure she cried herself to sleep many nights, yet she still got up every morning to raise me so I could grow up to be the person I am today. I am strong like her because I learned from the best. See, there are no handbooks for life. You do the best you can every day no matter what the world throws at you. When you do this, you develop an internal resilience that will have you handle more than you ever thought was possible. When Jim and I moved to Summit Hills Farm, I thought that because this was a divine assignment, things would come together beautifully. What showed up was nothing like what I would have created on a vision board. ~ The neighbors were less than friendly. ~ The previous owner didn't disclose lots of little things—that added up to some BIG things. ~ The house manager I'd worked with for 7 years left because of an arranged marriage, leaving me to figure out a lot of stuff on my own. My list could go on and on. Yet, I was pretty sure this was all designed for my highest and greatest good , no matter how it looked on the outside. My mom taught me the subtle art of resilience—and no matter what life threw my way, I was going to win. Because resilience doesn’t always look like a perfectly handled situation. Sometimes, it looks like staying rooted when the ground beneath you shifts. Sometimes, it’s in figuring things out when you feel completely unequipped. And sometimes, it’s simply choosing not to walk away when it would be easier to quit. Resilience is built in the small moments when no one sees you trying and still, you do. And it’s in those moments that your strength becomes something unshakeable. Just like my mother’s was. And now, just like mine is too. So if life feels heavy or messy right now, I want you to hear this: This isn’t the end of your story. You’re not being broken; you’re being prepared. You’re being strengthened for something greater than what you see right now. Keep showing up. Keep choosing to rise. There’s something in you this world needs and resilience is how it gets revealed. You’ve got this. Because the world needs you and your brilliance, now more than ever. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to make a list of 3 situations you handled well even if they didn’t feel like wins at the time. Think of moments when things didn’t go your way, yet you figured it out, stayed the course, or simply didn’t give up. Write them down. Then, beside each one, jot down what quality you showed—patience, resourcefulness, courage, faith. Let this be a reminder.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 8, 2025
I've been doing "behind the scenes" coaching for over a decade. Most folks who come to me seek to diagnose the wrong problem. You don't need more information or another book to read. You don't need more motivation or another podcast to fire you up. You don't even need more self-awareness, disguised as 50 hypothetical questions to answer. What most folks need is a little more quiet in their life. They need space to hear their Yes and NO clearly. They need the ability to pause before moving forward like a runaway freight train when making a decision. And that’s part of why I created the Upside Warrior Men’s Retreat. It’s not something flashy. In fact, it's happening quietly right now—intentionally designed to be an unhurried space for men to breathe, reset, and reconnect with the voice inside that knows what truly matters. See, most folks try to cram 25 hours or more into their 24-hour day, trying to win some imaginary productivity award. They've listened to one too many "expert" who tells them that only folks that are unmotivated and unfocused sleep in past 4:30am. If they want to be successful, they better know how to hustle. I bought into this bill of goods early in my career, believing that rest was for people who were lazy. What I've witnessed from folks who live this way is that they'll either: act out, burn out, or get sick. And I've walked that same path myself. When you give yourself space throughout the day, you begin connecting to an inner wisdom that will serve as a guide to making better decisions. And you get clarity on the first step to take ... and then the next. Life becomes more enjoyable and less of a marathon. So, wherever you are today—whether you’re running fast or finally catching your breath—I hope this serves as a gentle reminder: You don’t have to do more to be more. You don’t have to prove your worth through motion. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is pause... to make space and to listen for what’s next. That’s what this season has been about for me and for the men currently in retreat—creating space to hear what really matters. The truest one. And I want that for you too. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to pause instead of pushing forward. When you feel the urge to jump in, fix, respond, or say yes too quickly, choose stillness. Let presence lead. Pause before replying to a triggering email. Take a breath before offering a solution. Hold silence in a meeting instead of rushing to fill it. In those quiet moments, you may find that clarity, wisdom, and strength speak loudest when you do less, not more.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 29, 2025
Everyone has seeds of excellence inside them. When those seeds are planted in rich and fertile soil, they grow into something magnificent, something life-giving. I see it as your brilliance coming to life. When those seeds are thrown on rocky soil with the hopes of producing fruit, its chances of surviving are slim. No matter what you're journey has been or what heartaches you may be experiencing now, you can always cultivate new soil. Yet I'm clear that to do that takes effort, purpose, and intention. Whenever I have conversations with folks who aren't happy with how they're life is going, they often bypass the little actions that produce big results over time . The key words are over time . Most folks want results yesterday ... and feel to see all of the ways that their current actions have gotten them right where they are. Looking in the mirror with 100% honesty isn't all that easy to do. I used to want to be the best or I didn't want to play. I remember this clearly when I was on the cross country team when I was in high school. It wasn't that others were more talented. God had given me a runners' build, and I enjoyed running. Yet I wasn't all that committed to practicing, and so when it was race time, I did poorly. Today I'm clear that if I can't be consistent, it isn't something I really want. Imperfect action is better than no action at all. Stay the course. The seeds you plant today may not bear fruit tomorrow. That doesn’t mean the work is wasted. What matters is that they’re sown with intention. Keep tending to what matters most. Keep showing up with courage and care. The world needs what only you can grow. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to choose one part of your leadership that truly matters and pursue excellence in it. Pick a task or responsibility that holds weight in your role. Something that influences your business direction or shapes how your people grow. Then, take time to explore the latest trends or shifts in that space. Staying informed keeps your leadership relevant. Staying intentional keeps it aligned.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 22, 2025
Happiness, success, and meaning are drivers in my life. This is why I've never liked chit-chat, and why small talk makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel as if I'm frittering away the precious minutes of my life. I want to engage in deep, meaningful conversations where the exchange of my time and yours creates something of value in the world. That and the ability to laugh at myself with someone who isn’t afraid of going deep while finding God funny, too. Time waits for no one. There are no extra minutes in your day. I remember being a kid and thinking 15 minutes took f-o-r-e-v-e-r to pass. Now, I feel as if I can blink and 15 minutes passes me by if I'm not intentional about how I invest it. This level of consciousness in the leadership space means that you understand the value of every "yes" and every "no" in your life and business. You don't have time to spend frivolously. Every minute on the clock counts — and pulls you closer to what you want and what you're here on the planet to do ... or it takes you further off-course. The choice is yours. So be deliberate. What you say yes to creates your future. Make time for the people, the spaces, and the work that reflect who you are. Because not everything deserves your energy. And you were never meant to move through this life distracted or disconnected. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to track how you’re really spending your time. Choose one full workday and log your time. Not what you planned to do, track what you actually did. Use a simple tool like Toggl, RescueTime, Clockify, or even just a notebook and a timer. At the end of the day, review what you captured. What aligned with your mission? What pulled you off-course? What never should’ve made it on your plate in the first place? As a leader, your time is one of your greatest assets. Treat it with the same intentionality you bring to your vision. How you use your hours shapes the legacy you leave behind.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 15, 2025
I grew up watching my mother handle any obstacle life threw at her. I'm sure she cried herself to sleep many nights, yet she still got up every morning to raise me so I could grow up to be the person I am today. I am strong like her because I learned from the best. See, there are no handbooks for life. You do the best you can every day no matter what the world throws at you. When you do this, you develop an internal resilience that will have you handle more than you ever thought was possible. When Jim and I moved to Summit Hills Farm, I thought that because this was a divine assignment, things would come together beautifully. What showed up was nothing like what I would have created on a vision board. ~ The neighbors were less than friendly. ~ The previous owner didn't disclose lots of little things—that added up to some BIG things. ~ The house manager I'd worked with for 7 years left because of an arranged marriage, leaving me to figure out a lot of stuff on my own. My list could go on and on. Yet, I was pretty sure this was all designed for my highest and greatest good , no matter how it looked on the outside. My mom taught me the subtle art of resilience—and no matter what life threw my way, I was going to win. Because resilience doesn’t always look like a perfectly handled situation. Sometimes, it looks like staying rooted when the ground beneath you shifts. Sometimes, it’s in figuring things out when you feel completely unequipped. And sometimes, it’s simply choosing not to walk away when it would be easier to quit. Resilience is built in the small moments when no one sees you trying and still, you do. And it’s in those moments that your strength becomes something unshakeable. Just like my mother’s was. And now, just like mine is too. So if life feels heavy or messy right now, I want you to hear this: This isn’t the end of your story. You’re not being broken; you’re being prepared. You’re being strengthened for something greater than what you see right now. Keep showing up. Keep choosing to rise. There’s something in you this world needs and resilience is how it gets revealed. You’ve got this. Because the world needs you and your brilliance, now more than ever. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to make a list of 3 situations you handled well even if they didn’t feel like wins at the time. Think of moments when things didn’t go your way, yet you figured it out, stayed the course, or simply didn’t give up. Write them down. Then, beside each one, jot down what quality you showed—patience, resourcefulness, courage, faith. Let this be a reminder.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 8, 2025
I've been doing "behind the scenes" coaching for over a decade. Most folks who come to me seek to diagnose the wrong problem. You don't need more information or another book to read. You don't need more motivation or another podcast to fire you up. You don't even need more self-awareness, disguised as 50 hypothetical questions to answer. What most folks need is a little more quiet in their life. They need space to hear their Yes and NO clearly. They need the ability to pause before moving forward like a runaway freight train when making a decision. And that’s part of why I created the Upside Warrior Men’s Retreat. It’s not something flashy. In fact, it's happening quietly right now—intentionally designed to be an unhurried space for men to breathe, reset, and reconnect with the voice inside that knows what truly matters. See, most folks try to cram 25 hours or more into their 24-hour day, trying to win some imaginary productivity award. They've listened to one too many "expert" who tells them that only folks that are unmotivated and unfocused sleep in past 4:30am. If they want to be successful, they better know how to hustle. I bought into this bill of goods early in my career, believing that rest was for people who were lazy. What I've witnessed from folks who live this way is that they'll either: act out, burn out, or get sick. And I've walked that same path myself. When you give yourself space throughout the day, you begin connecting to an inner wisdom that will serve as a guide to making better decisions. And you get clarity on the first step to take ... and then the next. Life becomes more enjoyable and less of a marathon. So, wherever you are today—whether you’re running fast or finally catching your breath—I hope this serves as a gentle reminder: You don’t have to do more to be more. You don’t have to prove your worth through motion. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is pause... to make space and to listen for what’s next. That’s what this season has been about for me and for the men currently in retreat—creating space to hear what really matters. The truest one. And I want that for you too. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to pause instead of pushing forward. When you feel the urge to jump in, fix, respond, or say yes too quickly, choose stillness. Let presence lead. Pause before replying to a triggering email. Take a breath before offering a solution. Hold silence in a meeting instead of rushing to fill it. In those quiet moments, you may find that clarity, wisdom, and strength speak loudest when you do less, not more.
