Who Are You When Things Get Tough?

Most people believe they're good at keeping commitments. They wake up, show up, and do their best for others. Yet that same desire to do good for the people around them can create limitations on the ability to keep commitments to themselves. Everyone has an internal account that holds what I call integrity currency. Think about it like this… Every time you make a promise or break a promise to a client or someone you care about, you either add a coin, or you subtract a coin from your account. The coins you deposit are made up of magnetic energy, making you less or more attractive to yourself and others. The human body is an electrical body made up of charged particles - and has its own magnetic fields. When you make a promise to yourself, like taking an afternoon off to rest, and you fail to honor it, it is a double break of your integrity and your account is withdrawn TWICE. Why? Being out of integrity with yourself causes internal stress, shame, and regret. You didn't keep your word to the most important person in your life — YOU. Because the coins act like magnets, when you make deposits in your account, your account grows and begins paying dividends. The result is that you begin magnetizing opportunities with ease. The opposite is also true. As your account shrinks from being out of integrity with yourself or others, opportunities bounce off of you and seem just out of reach when once they were plentiful. You may work hard and can’t seem to get further ahead. When this is happening, I tell clients to check their integrity account. ~ Have you failed to honor commitments to yourself or others? ~ Are you depleted? ~ Is your account overdrawn? Everything you do is creating a pathway in your brain to get you closer to what you want...or further away. You choose in every moment who you are, what you want, and why it matters. Leading with integrity doesn’t just impact your life; it creates ripple effects in your business, your team, and your ability to lead at the highest level. This is why the leaders in my Upside Leaders program learn to strengthen their integrity account and build a life that aligns with their values and vision. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to imagine yourself as a bank account. Where are you spending? Where are you investing? When and how are you making deposits? At the end of the month, quarter, and year, what do you want your statements to look like? Remember, the world needs you and your brilliance now more than ever.

My mom and I had a rocky relationship growing up. After my Daddy left, I suppose I was more affected than anyone understood. This was the 1970's and 'divorce' was a dirty word. Folks don't want to talk about the emotional carnage it leaves. My mom was forced into a situation she didn't choose or want ... ... and me and my younger sister were left to deal with it the best we could. In my teens, I blamed my mom for lots of things — and was disrespectful to her more than I'd like to admit. Perhaps it was because we were more alike than not ... ... and I didn't have any tools to deal with how I felt. Regardless, when I left home after college, I didn't leave on great terms. And at the time, I was too stubborn to make amends. Yes, there were seasons when I didn't speak to her or she didn't speak to me. And I never felt good when those were going on. At 55 years old, I have dealt with and healed the heartache, trauma, and pain that happened early on in life. It's given me deep compassion and wisdom ... and I desire to be able to love like Mother Mary does. This has helped me tremendously in my leadership coaching practice. While my mom and I still have our bumps now and then, today she's one of my favorite people to spend time with. Even when I'm frustrated or she pushes my buttons, I love who she is. I tell clients you can determine what you value by examining where you invest your time, energy, or money. My mom gets a lot of all three ... and I wasn't with her on Mother's Day yesterday. And we've got plans next month to go to the Jersey shore together as a family — as well as four other getaways, and one just the two of us. Whether you're close to your mom or not, or whether she's here or passed away, I hope you can reflect on one good memory today. Just one. If you're a mom, I hope you had a happy Mother’s Day. We don’t become strong leaders because everything goes smoothly. We become strong because we’ve lived through what we thought might break us. We lead how we heal. The work I’ve done with my mom ... learning to forgive, to listen, to understand ... that’s the same work I bring into the room with clients. You can't lead people well if you haven't faced your own stuff. The more I’ve grown, the more space I can hold. The more I’ve softened, the stronger I’ve become. And the more I’ve healed, the more clarity I have when it comes to what truly matters. That’s leadership. It's the transformation more than the titles or the wins. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to reflect on one part of your story that shaped who you are today. Maybe it’s something you used to hide or pretend didn't happen. Ask yourself: how does this part of my journey still influence how I lead, decide, or relate to others? The goal isn’t to fix anything — it’s to get honest about how your inner story is shaping your outer leadership. Because the more whole you become, the more powerfully you can lead.

Siam struggled for years and tried everything he knew to do. First, he rebuilt his website. Then, he spent money getting people to listen to his podcast. Next, he mapped out a social media strategy with a digital marketing agency. Lastly, he went all in on paid advertising. He was working long hours, missing out on time with his family. And Siam’s bank account kept shrinking, and he couldn't figure out why nothing seemed to be working. And that’s when we met. Siam was the older brother of a friend of mine, and she thought I could help him see the missing piece. I agreed to meet with him over Zoom. He was direct and told me he wasn't sure why his sister wanted us to meet. I, too, was direct with him and shared that she watched him struggle in business -- and believed the work I do would be valuable to jumpstart new opportunities. I shared my desire to listen and be of service if he was interested. Still a bit bristly in his demeanor, he said he wanted to hear what I had to say. After I asked a few questions, over 30 minutes, he softened and started to open up about the business. I began putting the pieces together and could see that Siam thought he had to do business like everyone else, and it was killing him. He spent the last 24 months trying to grow the business with very little to show for it, and his confidence had taken a hit. I could see through his bravado with a whole lot of tenderness because I’ve been there. When you don’t stack the wins fast enough, everything around you starts to feel like a loss. You begin doubting your worth and value, and when that happens, ... ~ it’s hard to build a great website, ~ it's hard to write on social media, and ~ it's hard to attract the people you’re called to serve. Sometimes, you can't see what you need to shift, so you start chasing tactics trying to fix the problem. Rarely are tactics the issue for a stunted career or a stalled business venture. If you don’t first figure out who you are, what you want, and why it matters, none of the tactical elements for business growth will work for you. You've got to get clear on your mission, values, and vision. From there, you can look at patterns getting in the way. We all have blind spots, and no one can see their pitfalls on their own. When you get clarity, confidence follows. Then, bigger opportunities will start to show up. Yet, if you could see your blocks, you'd remove them. Siam got that he couldn’t walk this journey alone. The best leaders get it. To get the greatest ROI, focus on leadership. Focusing on tactics, technology, or other shiny objects won't get you the big paycheck. Siam and I worked together one-on-one, and he got his leadership IQ dialed in. I was also able to help him write new marketing materials -- after he got clear, and the results led to a 39% increase in business. Today, he’s making his mark on the world. Increase your leadership IQ because the world needs you and your brilliance.  ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to identify the one thing that is draining your energy and not delivering results. Maybe it’s a commitment that no longer aligns, a habit that is having you overwork, or a task someone else could handle. Let it go. Growth isn’t about doing more; it’s about making room for what truly matters. When you clear distractions, you create space for divine opportunities to flow. Today, remove one thing that’s holding you back and trust that what’s meant for you will rise in its place.