Are You “Golding”?
Lisa Marie Platske • March 27, 2018
I’ve identified three spaces where someone can operate that will keep them out of being courageous, vulnerable leader.
Take a look
Over the past 18 months, I’ve been stepping more into the arena of speaking about vulnerability in leadership.
I hired Susan Kerby, speaker coach extraordinaire, to work with me to craft a talk that was both meaningful and clarified what vulnerability is and isn’t.
My presentation also included how to create more transparency in your personal and professional life as this has been my personal journey over the past 5 years.
vulnerable leader - Upside Thinking
Vulnerability isn’t simply being visible, open, or even strong, however, it is part of being a courageous leader worth following.
When I speak about courageous leadership coupled with vulnerability, I talk about the importance of engaging in healthy vs. unhealthy relationship patterns at home and at work.
I’ve identified three spaces where someone can operate that will keep them out of being courageous, vulnerable leader.
These three places are:
1.Holding: When you are in holding, you’re standing your ground.
You’re closed off and in attack mode, ready to strike at any moment. Because you feel as if your back is against the wall, you cannot really hear what is being said to you or why it is being said. You’ve dug your heels in the ground and aren’t going to budge.
2.Bolding: When you are in bolding, you assume a “command and control” leadership stance where you believe you have to do it all by yourself.
You take full responsibility for everything around you even if it isn’t yours to take on.
This is the place where perfectionism lives.
In this place, you may be attached to being seen a certain way i.e. having it all together so that you’re not perceived as weak or emotional
3.Folding: When you are in folding, you breakdown.
In this space, you become angry, bitter or regret your actions – and pull back.
Because you believe you should have been nicer, kinder, or shown up differently and you didn’t, you make yourself smaller and usually do it with heaps of guilt or shame.
What’s fascinating about these relationship patterns is that when you’re in them you may not even realize it.
This is why self-awareness is the first area to master within personal competence (handling ourselves) when seeking to be more emotionally intelligent.
Self-awareness is simply understanding one’s internal state(s), preferences, resources, and intuitions.
Recent studies have shown that emotional competence is twice as important as technical competence for mid-level executives.
And, for top executives, 90% success comes from emotional competency which is another reason why this is important.
So, were is the sweet spot, the place where you get to just share yourself as you are?
I like to call that the Gold.
4.Golding: When you are “golding” (my made-up word… ☺) you are genuine, authentic, true-to-you, sincere, and unapologetic about how you feel and why.
You’re in an honest relationship with yourself which allows you to then be in real relationship with others.
You are able to acknowledge where you are – and speak from that place.
When I worked in the government and sat down with an employee to discuss their poor performance, it wasn’t about expressing my anger about how their behavior disrespected me, their supervisor.
It was about the facts — what I noticed, how the office was impacted, and what the consequences would be if the set expectation wasn’t met in the future.
Sometimes there were tears and other times there was fist-pounding.
And, I was able to meet them both by staying in the moment.
When you are in the gold or golding, you get to just be.
My research in this area came from my own unhealthy behavioral patterns within my family – and wanting to shift so that I could step into being a transformational leader that was worth following both in an out of my business.
How could I do this when I would vacillate back and forth from holding, bolding, and folding – feeling badly about my interactions with others?
I would take a stand and then apologize, never speaking my truth.
I would create stories in my head about what I should have said and why.
And, sometimes I would say things that were unkind where I was the one that paid the consequences.
Learning that there was another way has been part of my journey – and while I still can slip into these patters, I am much more aware.
“Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”
What you give is what you get back in return.
The most important reason for me sharing this Upside Thought this week is so that you can examine your own relationship patterns.
- Are they healthy or unhealthy?
- Do you slip into holding, bolding, or folding more often than you would like?
- What is your biggest struggle with being able to shift into “golding”?
-
And, if you’ve mastered this, I congratulate you!
In the end, there is only one you.
One brilliant you.
And, the world doesn’t get to see just how shiny and brilliant you are when you’re tied up in one of these patterns.
Action:
The Upside Challenge of the week is to reach out to someone you dislike whom you believe also dislikes you – or someone you’ve been harboring anger in your heart. Send them a message of love, mercy, forgiveness, and kindness – and release anything that would keep you from being a beacon of light into the world.
It was never about them anyway.
People follow the person first and then their great plan – and for a reason.
The world needs you and your brilliance.
The post Are You “Golding”? appeared first on Upside Thinking.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 8, 2025
I've been doing "behind the scenes" coaching for over a decade. Most folks who come to me seek to diagnose the wrong problem. You don't need more information or another book to read. You don't need more motivation or another podcast to fire you up. You don't even need more self-awareness, disguised as 50 hypothetical questions to answer. What most folks need is a little more quiet in their life. They need space to hear their Yes and NO clearly. They need the ability to pause before moving forward like a runaway freight train when making a decision. And that’s part of why I created the Upside Warrior Men’s Retreat. It’s not something flashy. In fact, it's happening quietly right now—intentionally designed to be an unhurried space for men to breathe, reset, and reconnect with the voice inside that knows what truly matters. See, most folks try to cram 25 hours or more into their 24-hour day, trying to win some imaginary productivity award. They've listened to one too many "expert" who tells them that only folks that are unmotivated and unfocused sleep in past 4:30am. If they want to be successful, they better know how to hustle. I bought into this bill of goods early in my career, believing that rest was for people who were lazy. What I've witnessed from folks who live this way is that they'll either: act out, burn out, or get sick. And I've walked that same path myself. When you give yourself space throughout the day, you begin connecting to an inner wisdom that will serve as a guide to making better decisions. And you get clarity on the first step to take ... and then the next. Life becomes more enjoyable and less of a marathon. So, wherever you are today—whether you’re running fast or finally catching your breath—I hope this serves as a gentle reminder: You don’t have to do more to be more. You don’t have to prove your worth through motion. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is pause... to make space and to listen for what’s next. That’s what this season has been about for me and for the men currently in retreat—creating space to hear what really matters. The truest one. And I want that for you too. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to pause instead of pushing forward. When you feel the urge to jump in, fix, respond, or say yes too quickly, choose stillness. Let presence lead. Pause before replying to a triggering email. Take a breath before offering a solution. Hold silence in a meeting instead of rushing to fill it. In those quiet moments, you may find that clarity, wisdom, and strength speak loudest when you do less, not more.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 1, 2025
Years ago, I thought I had to be friends with everyone I met. Growing up, I was told it was rude to exclude folks from your circle so I stopped being choosey and let EVERYONE in. This led to me being around folks who were upsetting to my system ... ... folks who were out of integrity with themselves ... folks who weren't trustworthy, and ... folks who didn't honor who I was. As a little girl, I spent time around folks who were like that and became numb to breaks in integrity. Back then, I didn't have the ability to discern the difference which is why the relationship I had with my grandparents was important. They lived their life honestly, despite the circumstances that often surrounded them. See my grandparents lived in the not-so-good part of town. My grandfather sat on the sofa with the police radio chatter in his ear all day long. Robberies, burglaries, and drug deals were all too common. They were woven into the fabric of the neighborhood. You could hear gunshots and police sirens throughout the day. Despite growing up with that all around me, my grandparents modeled having a strong work ethic and doing the right thing no matter what. Because when that's in the background, you unconsciously don't see the world as a safe place. My system was out of whack without me even knowing it. That's what I love so much about living at Summit Hills Farm. Every day, I get to spend time out in nature. Research shows that spending time in nature improves your physical and mental health. Being around the trees and walking on the land reduces stress, lowers cortisol levels, and reduces blood pressure. It calms the mind and body. See, I used to be an "All Are Welcome" kinda gal until I realized that wasn't healthy, and it didn't align with how God created me. I'm built to challenge ... to confront ... and to push folks past their growth edges. I'm not the kinda gal who's going to tell you what you want to hear. I'm the kinda gal who's going to tell you what you need to hear. So this I tell you... It’s not about where you grew up or how much you’ve had to overcome. We’ve all got stories that carry both beauty and ache. What matters is whether you remember who you are in the middle of it all. For a long time, I wore openness like a badge of honor, until I realized I was handing out access to people who hadn’t earned the right to hold space with me. When you’re clear on who you are, what you want, and why it matters, you begin to choose differently. That’s the kind of work I’ve been doing quietly behind the scenes for years—helping leaders return to themselves. And it’s the heart behind the retreats like the Upside Warrior Men's Retreat Because when you create space to remember what’s true, you lead with more courage, more clarity, and more peace. And that changes everything. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to honor one aligned yes. Choose one area of your life—your calendar, a conversation, a commitment—and ask: Is this aligned with who I am and what I value? If it is, give it your full-hearted yes. If it’s not, lovingly release it. Saying yes to what aligns with you is how you build a life rooted in clarity, peace, and purpose.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
August 25, 2025
Most folks understand the concept of rest. When you expend "x" amount of energy, your body is going to require you to replenish. Yet there's a certain type of weariness that no amount of sleep will produce the feeling of being energized in your body. When you're exhausted to the core, and it feels as if you've been wrung out like a dish rag, that level of fatigue is only overcome by giving your Soul rest. Living in a world where books about how to achieve more are plentiful, this isn't a conversation that's abundant in the business space. You've got to know how to hustle and grind when things get tough. I grew up hearing, "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going." I never heard about The Power of the Pause, or refueling my Soul. And so I pushed. And pushed a little more. And a little more. And figured I was just doing life wrong as all I got was more and more tired ... and a little bit angrier on the inside. Rest isn't about sleep. It's about peace. When you operate from this place, the trials that you face are easier to handle. If you spend your precious minutes criticizing, worrying, or comparing yourself to others, you cannot live your best life and lead others effectively. Out-of-control emotions fueled by fear or anxiety may make you feel as if there's more for you to do or you're not doing enough. Yet that's just fear. ~ Fear of getting something wrong and messing up your life ~ Fear of not figuring out what you're 'supposed' to be doing ~ Fear of disappointing yourself and others if you do or don't do something I could go on and on. Just pick one. And fear can be exhausting. It steals your peace, clouds your judgment, and keeps you stuck in cycles that wear you down from the inside out. This is why I’ve devoted my life’s work to walking alongside purpose-led leaders. Because I’ve seen what happens when you try to push through that kind of soul-deep fatigue alone or to keep going because people are counting on you, even when you’re running on fumes. And I also know what’s possible when you choose to lead from a place of alignment, when your soul is at peace, not just your calendar. Because when you lead from real rest, you show up steady and with ease. That kind of leadership is born from surrender. So pause. Set down the pressure to prove. Rest. Rest your mind from overthinking. Rest your spirit from striving. And most of all, rest in God. Remember, the world needs you and brilliance now more than ever. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to pause and realign before your next move. In the middle of your busy day, before you jump into the next task, stop. Take a deep breath and ground yourself. Ask this clearly: Is this the work I’m called to do right now? Does it align with who I am and the purpose I carry? If it doesn’t, lean into the wisdom to delegate or let it go. Leading well means knowing where to invest your energy and where to release control. This pause is a moment to realign your body, mind, and spirit so you lead from peace, clarity, and strength.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
August 18, 2025
Good things are waiting for you around every single corner. One of my favorite movie lines comes from "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" when Dev Patel says, " Everything will be alright in the end, so if it's not alright it's not the end. " There is a 2nd part of his quote that few folks remember - and that is, " The only real failure is the failure to try, and the measure of success is how we cope with disappointment. " I get that it’s not always been easy for you. It may feel like heartache and disappointment show up around every corner. Yet I hope you can see how everything that happens to you can be turned into good. I recently asked a client if they believed that God made mistakes—and they said "no". So if God doesn't make mistakes and all is perfect, then every situation, time, and place you've been in has been given to you for a reason. And they paused, sighed, and agreed. This is why I believe so much in the sovereignty of your being, and your ability to live from a place of choice and intention. When you get this, it makes you different than the many others on the planet who complain about their fate or circumstances. Courageous leadership takes, well, courage. You were never promised easy on your journey—and you can create ease and grace by remembering that you are the master of your fate and the captain of your destiny. That’s the foundation I built my business on. When I first began creating my programs and retreats, I didn’t do it because it was simple or convenient. I did it because I saw a gap between where people were and who they were called to be. I knew the pain of disappointment and the ache of untapped potential and I also knew there was a way through it with purpose, alignment, and leadership. So I started small. One courageous moment at a time. Each program, each retreat, each private session was designed to meet people right where they were and help them rise. I believe you can rise, too. There is more for you. There is so much more within you. Good things are waiting for you around every single corner. Go shine your light. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to stand tall—literally. Each morning this week, before you start your day, stand up, roll your shoulders back, plant your feet firmly, and take one deep breath as if you’re stepping fully into your purpose. Then do one round of box breathing: Inhale for 4 counts Hold for 4 counts Exhale for 4 counts Hold for 4 counts Repeat this cycle twice. Let your body remember: You are the captain of your destiny. You are walking in purpose. You are ready for what’s next.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 8, 2025
I've been doing "behind the scenes" coaching for over a decade. Most folks who come to me seek to diagnose the wrong problem. You don't need more information or another book to read. You don't need more motivation or another podcast to fire you up. You don't even need more self-awareness, disguised as 50 hypothetical questions to answer. What most folks need is a little more quiet in their life. They need space to hear their Yes and NO clearly. They need the ability to pause before moving forward like a runaway freight train when making a decision. And that’s part of why I created the Upside Warrior Men’s Retreat. It’s not something flashy. In fact, it's happening quietly right now—intentionally designed to be an unhurried space for men to breathe, reset, and reconnect with the voice inside that knows what truly matters. See, most folks try to cram 25 hours or more into their 24-hour day, trying to win some imaginary productivity award. They've listened to one too many "expert" who tells them that only folks that are unmotivated and unfocused sleep in past 4:30am. If they want to be successful, they better know how to hustle. I bought into this bill of goods early in my career, believing that rest was for people who were lazy. What I've witnessed from folks who live this way is that they'll either: act out, burn out, or get sick. And I've walked that same path myself. When you give yourself space throughout the day, you begin connecting to an inner wisdom that will serve as a guide to making better decisions. And you get clarity on the first step to take ... and then the next. Life becomes more enjoyable and less of a marathon. So, wherever you are today—whether you’re running fast or finally catching your breath—I hope this serves as a gentle reminder: You don’t have to do more to be more. You don’t have to prove your worth through motion. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is pause... to make space and to listen for what’s next. That’s what this season has been about for me and for the men currently in retreat—creating space to hear what really matters. The truest one. And I want that for you too. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to pause instead of pushing forward. When you feel the urge to jump in, fix, respond, or say yes too quickly, choose stillness. Let presence lead. Pause before replying to a triggering email. Take a breath before offering a solution. Hold silence in a meeting instead of rushing to fill it. In those quiet moments, you may find that clarity, wisdom, and strength speak loudest when you do less, not more.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 1, 2025
Years ago, I thought I had to be friends with everyone I met. Growing up, I was told it was rude to exclude folks from your circle so I stopped being choosey and let EVERYONE in. This led to me being around folks who were upsetting to my system ... ... folks who were out of integrity with themselves ... folks who weren't trustworthy, and ... folks who didn't honor who I was. As a little girl, I spent time around folks who were like that and became numb to breaks in integrity. Back then, I didn't have the ability to discern the difference which is why the relationship I had with my grandparents was important. They lived their life honestly, despite the circumstances that often surrounded them. See my grandparents lived in the not-so-good part of town. My grandfather sat on the sofa with the police radio chatter in his ear all day long. Robberies, burglaries, and drug deals were all too common. They were woven into the fabric of the neighborhood. You could hear gunshots and police sirens throughout the day. Despite growing up with that all around me, my grandparents modeled having a strong work ethic and doing the right thing no matter what. Because when that's in the background, you unconsciously don't see the world as a safe place. My system was out of whack without me even knowing it. That's what I love so much about living at Summit Hills Farm. Every day, I get to spend time out in nature. Research shows that spending time in nature improves your physical and mental health. Being around the trees and walking on the land reduces stress, lowers cortisol levels, and reduces blood pressure. It calms the mind and body. See, I used to be an "All Are Welcome" kinda gal until I realized that wasn't healthy, and it didn't align with how God created me. I'm built to challenge ... to confront ... and to push folks past their growth edges. I'm not the kinda gal who's going to tell you what you want to hear. I'm the kinda gal who's going to tell you what you need to hear. So this I tell you... It’s not about where you grew up or how much you’ve had to overcome. We’ve all got stories that carry both beauty and ache. What matters is whether you remember who you are in the middle of it all. For a long time, I wore openness like a badge of honor, until I realized I was handing out access to people who hadn’t earned the right to hold space with me. When you’re clear on who you are, what you want, and why it matters, you begin to choose differently. That’s the kind of work I’ve been doing quietly behind the scenes for years—helping leaders return to themselves. And it’s the heart behind the retreats like the Upside Warrior Men's Retreat Because when you create space to remember what’s true, you lead with more courage, more clarity, and more peace. And that changes everything. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to honor one aligned yes. Choose one area of your life—your calendar, a conversation, a commitment—and ask: Is this aligned with who I am and what I value? If it is, give it your full-hearted yes. If it’s not, lovingly release it. Saying yes to what aligns with you is how you build a life rooted in clarity, peace, and purpose.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
August 25, 2025
Most folks understand the concept of rest. When you expend "x" amount of energy, your body is going to require you to replenish. Yet there's a certain type of weariness that no amount of sleep will produce the feeling of being energized in your body. When you're exhausted to the core, and it feels as if you've been wrung out like a dish rag, that level of fatigue is only overcome by giving your Soul rest. Living in a world where books about how to achieve more are plentiful, this isn't a conversation that's abundant in the business space. You've got to know how to hustle and grind when things get tough. I grew up hearing, "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going." I never heard about The Power of the Pause, or refueling my Soul. And so I pushed. And pushed a little more. And a little more. And figured I was just doing life wrong as all I got was more and more tired ... and a little bit angrier on the inside. Rest isn't about sleep. It's about peace. When you operate from this place, the trials that you face are easier to handle. If you spend your precious minutes criticizing, worrying, or comparing yourself to others, you cannot live your best life and lead others effectively. Out-of-control emotions fueled by fear or anxiety may make you feel as if there's more for you to do or you're not doing enough. Yet that's just fear. ~ Fear of getting something wrong and messing up your life ~ Fear of not figuring out what you're 'supposed' to be doing ~ Fear of disappointing yourself and others if you do or don't do something I could go on and on. Just pick one. And fear can be exhausting. It steals your peace, clouds your judgment, and keeps you stuck in cycles that wear you down from the inside out. This is why I’ve devoted my life’s work to walking alongside purpose-led leaders. Because I’ve seen what happens when you try to push through that kind of soul-deep fatigue alone or to keep going because people are counting on you, even when you’re running on fumes. And I also know what’s possible when you choose to lead from a place of alignment, when your soul is at peace, not just your calendar. Because when you lead from real rest, you show up steady and with ease. That kind of leadership is born from surrender. So pause. Set down the pressure to prove. Rest. Rest your mind from overthinking. Rest your spirit from striving. And most of all, rest in God. Remember, the world needs you and brilliance now more than ever. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to pause and realign before your next move. In the middle of your busy day, before you jump into the next task, stop. Take a deep breath and ground yourself. Ask this clearly: Is this the work I’m called to do right now? Does it align with who I am and the purpose I carry? If it doesn’t, lean into the wisdom to delegate or let it go. Leading well means knowing where to invest your energy and where to release control. This pause is a moment to realign your body, mind, and spirit so you lead from peace, clarity, and strength.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
August 18, 2025
Good things are waiting for you around every single corner. One of my favorite movie lines comes from "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" when Dev Patel says, " Everything will be alright in the end, so if it's not alright it's not the end. " There is a 2nd part of his quote that few folks remember - and that is, " The only real failure is the failure to try, and the measure of success is how we cope with disappointment. " I get that it’s not always been easy for you. It may feel like heartache and disappointment show up around every corner. Yet I hope you can see how everything that happens to you can be turned into good. I recently asked a client if they believed that God made mistakes—and they said "no". So if God doesn't make mistakes and all is perfect, then every situation, time, and place you've been in has been given to you for a reason. And they paused, sighed, and agreed. This is why I believe so much in the sovereignty of your being, and your ability to live from a place of choice and intention. When you get this, it makes you different than the many others on the planet who complain about their fate or circumstances. Courageous leadership takes, well, courage. You were never promised easy on your journey—and you can create ease and grace by remembering that you are the master of your fate and the captain of your destiny. That’s the foundation I built my business on. When I first began creating my programs and retreats, I didn’t do it because it was simple or convenient. I did it because I saw a gap between where people were and who they were called to be. I knew the pain of disappointment and the ache of untapped potential and I also knew there was a way through it with purpose, alignment, and leadership. So I started small. One courageous moment at a time. Each program, each retreat, each private session was designed to meet people right where they were and help them rise. I believe you can rise, too. There is more for you. There is so much more within you. Good things are waiting for you around every single corner. Go shine your light. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to stand tall—literally. Each morning this week, before you start your day, stand up, roll your shoulders back, plant your feet firmly, and take one deep breath as if you’re stepping fully into your purpose. Then do one round of box breathing: Inhale for 4 counts Hold for 4 counts Exhale for 4 counts Hold for 4 counts Repeat this cycle twice. Let your body remember: You are the captain of your destiny. You are walking in purpose. You are ready for what’s next.
