Are You “Golding”?

Lisa Marie Platske • March 27, 2018

 

I’ve identified three spaces where someone can operate that will keep them out of being courageous, vulnerable leader.


Take a look


Over the past 18 months, I’ve been stepping more into the arena of speaking about vulnerability in leadership.


I hired Susan Kerby, speaker coach extraordinaire, to work with me to craft a talk that was both meaningful and clarified what vulnerability is and isn’t.


My presentation also included how to create more transparency in your personal and professional life as this has been my personal journey over the past 5 years.


vulnerable leader - Upside Thinking


Vulnerability isn’t simply being visible, open, or even strong, however, it is part of being a courageous leader worth following.


When I speak about courageous leadership coupled with vulnerability, I talk about the importance of engaging in healthy vs. unhealthy relationship patterns at home and at work.


I’ve identified three spaces where someone can operate that will keep them out of being courageous, vulnerable leader.


These three places are:


1.Holding: When you are in holding, you’re standing your ground.

You’re closed off and in attack mode, ready to strike at any moment. Because you feel as if your back is against the wall, you cannot really hear what is being said to you or why it is being said. You’ve dug your heels in the ground and aren’t going to budge.


2.Bolding: When you are in bolding, you assume a “command and control” leadership stance where you believe you have to do it all by yourself.

You take full responsibility for everything around you even if it isn’t yours to take on.


This is the place where perfectionism lives.


In this place, you may be attached to being seen a certain way i.e. having it all together so that you’re not perceived as weak or emotional


3.Folding: When you are in folding, you breakdown.

In this space, you become angry, bitter or regret your actions – and pull back.


Because you believe you should have been nicer, kinder, or shown up differently and you didn’t, you make yourself smaller and usually do it with heaps of guilt or shame.


What’s fascinating about these relationship patterns is that when you’re in them you may not even realize it.


This is why self-awareness is the first area to master within personal competence (handling ourselves) when seeking to be more emotionally intelligent.


Self-awareness is simply understanding one’s internal state(s), preferences, resources, and intuitions.


Recent studies have shown that emotional competence is twice as important as technical competence for mid-level executives.


And, for top executives, 90% success comes from emotional competency which is another reason why this is important.


So, were is the sweet spot, the place where you get to just share yourself as you are?


I like to call that the Gold.


4.Golding: When you are “golding” (my made-up word… ☺) you are genuine, authentic, true-to-you, sincere, and unapologetic about how you feel and why.

You’re in an honest relationship with yourself which allows you to then be in real relationship with others.


You are able to acknowledge where you are – and speak from that place.


When I worked in the government and sat down with an employee to discuss their poor performance, it wasn’t about expressing my anger about how their behavior disrespected me, their supervisor.


It was about the facts — what I noticed, how the office was impacted, and what the consequences would be if the set expectation wasn’t met in the future.


Sometimes there were tears and other times there was fist-pounding.


And, I was able to meet them both by staying in the moment.


When you are in the gold or golding, you get to just be.


My research in this area came from my own unhealthy behavioral patterns within my family – and wanting to shift so that I could step into being a transformational leader that was worth following both in an out of my business.


How could I do this when I would vacillate back and forth from holding, bolding, and folding – feeling badly about my interactions with others?


I would take a stand and then apologize, never speaking my truth.


I would create stories in my head about what I should have said and why.


And, sometimes I would say things that were unkind where I was the one that paid the consequences.


Learning that there was another way has been part of my journey – and while I still can slip into these patters, I am much more aware.


“Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”


What you give is what you get back in return.


The most important reason for me sharing this Upside Thought this week is so that you can examine your own relationship patterns.


  • Are they healthy or unhealthy?
  • Do you slip into holding, bolding, or folding more often than you would like?
  • What is your biggest struggle with being able to shift into “golding”?
  • 

And, if you’ve mastered this, I congratulate you!


In the end, there is only one you.


One brilliant you.


And, the world doesn’t get to see just how shiny and brilliant you are when you’re tied up in one of these patterns.


Action:

The Upside Challenge of the week is to reach out to someone you dislike whom you believe also dislikes you – or someone you’ve been harboring anger in your heart. Send them a message of love, mercy, forgiveness, and kindness – and release anything that would keep you from being a beacon of light into the world.


It was never about them anyway.


People follow the person first and then their great plan – and for a reason.


The world needs you and your brilliance.


The post Are You “Golding”? appeared first on Upside Thinking.

By Lisa Marie Platske October 27, 2025
When I was 6 years old, I understood there was something powerful for me to do on the planet. A mission that was bigger than me. Bigger than I could comprehend. And I get that sounds crazy as I was simultaneously learning how to count, and add 4 + 6 to come up with 10. What I can tell you that I'm clear about is that despite that inner knowing, I floundered over the years trying to figure out how I could really step into this Calling. How could this possibly be mine to do?!? From hiding it, burying it, and avoiding it, it seemed I kept running away from what I knew was mine to do in the world. There is a shift that happens in a person’s life when they realize it’s time to step up and become the leader they are destined to be. ~ To make an impact ~ To be a force for good on the planet ~ To step into their Calling See, God doesn't give folks little missions. They're all big and designed for exactly how you're wired. For me, it started with a grand vision as a little girl. For others, it may reveal itself over time, perhaps after decades of transformational experiences. Your mission matters—and the world needs you and your brilliance. So, regardless of whether you are on your journey, it’s time to look at leadership from this lens vs. that of job positions and titles. Now’s the moment to stop questioning whether it’s yours. It is. And the next step is yours to take. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to sit down and ask yourself: What’s one thing I keep feeling called to do yet I haven’t acted on? Name it and just write it down. Then decide how you’ll honor it in the next 48 hours. Take one clear, intentional step.
By Lisa Marie Platske October 20, 2025
Divine impatience. This is what my spiritual mentor and I have been talking about quite a bit. It's when you understand that lurking around the corner is the birthing of your new idea or new chapter, and God's timing is a little different than your own. You feel you're ready and it's time, yet nothing seems to be moving. This is very different than being stuck. I've discovered that all leaders go through this season. Some will put up a heck of a fight, and try to muscle their way forward. And I can promise you that never works. Others will throw up their hands and abdicate personal responsibility, excusing their lack of initiative and giving themselves a reason to sit back and do nothing. Divine Right Timing is truly "a thing" and no amount of force will have a door open when it's not to be opened yet. Yet that doesn't mean you step out of your life and wait. Growth happens moment by moment over time, not in a flash or an instant. You have a duty to keep moving forward while recognizing that your clock and God's may be set on different planes in the time and space continuum. I've learned to see the Divine perfection in everything... ...even when I hope what I want would show up a little faster. So much of leadership is learning to move in rhythm with Divine Right Timing. It’s listening, trusting and leaning in even when you don’t see the full picture yet. You begin to discern when to act and when to wait; when to take the next faithful step and when to let the path rise up to meet you. That’s not something you master overnight. It’s something you practice, in the pauses, in the tension, in the stretch between what is and what’s to come. So if you're in that space right now, where you feel the stirring, the readiness, the knowing and yet, nothing seems to be shifting, take heart . You're not doing anything wrong. You're not being ignored by God. You're being prepared. And when the door does open, you'll walk through it with the clarity, strength, and grace you gained in the waiting. That’s the Divine right on time. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to take inventory of what you’ve been striving to control. Where are you trying to open a door that isn’t yours to open yet? Is there a situation where you’ve confused momentum with force? Write down three things you’re being called to trust, not fix. Then choose one aligned step that keeps you in motion without pushing against Divine Timing. Sometimes the wisest move is to walk in faith while the door gets ready for you.
By Lisa Marie Platske October 13, 2025
Jason struggled for years, trying everything he knew to do. First, he rebuilt his website. Then, he spent money getting people to listen to his podcast. Next, he mapped out a social media strategy with a digital marketing agency. Lastly, he went all in on paid advertising. He was working long hours and missing out on time with his family. And Jason’s bank account kept shrinking. He couldn’t figure out why nothing seemed to be working. That’s when we met. Jason was the older brother of a friend of mine, and she thought I could help him see the missing piece. I agreed to meet with him over Zoom. He was direct and told me he wasn’t sure why his sister wanted us to talk. I was direct with him, too, and shared that she had been watching him struggle in business, and believed the work I do could help jumpstart new opportunities. I shared my desire to listen and be of service — if he was open. Still a bit bristly in his demeanor, he said he wanted to hear what I had to say. After I asked a few questions, in about 30 minutes, he softened and started to open up about what was really going on behind closed doors in his business. I began putting the pieces together and could see that Jason thought he had to do business like everyone else — and it was killing him. He had spent the last 24 months trying to grow the business with very little to show for it, and his confidence had taken a hit. I saw through his bravado with a whole lot of tenderness — because I’ve been there. When you don’t stack the wins, everything around you starts to feel like a loss. You begin doubting your worth and value. And when that happens … ~ it’s hard to build a great website ... ~ it’s hard to write on social media ... ~ and it’s hard to attract the people you’re called to serve. Sometimes you can’t see what you need to shift, so you start chasing tactics trying to fix the problem. Rarely are tactics the issue behind a stunted career or a stalled business venture. If you don’t first figure out who you are, what you want, and why it matters, none of those other things will work for you. Then, you’ve got to get clear on your mission, values, and vision. From there, I look at the patterns that have been showing up. No one can see their own. When you get that all dialed in, bigger opportunities start to show up. Why? Because you’re contributing to the world unencumbered. And if you could see your own blocks, you’d already have removed them. Jason realized he couldn’t walk this journey alone any longer. The best leaders get that. So to get the greatest ROI, focus on leadership. Focusing on tactics, technology, AI, or other shiny objects won’t bring in the big paycheck. Jason and I worked together one-on-one and got his leadership IQ dialed in. Once he had clarity, I helped him write new marketing materials… …and the results were astounding — a 23% increase in gross sales. Today, he’s making a mark on the world. Jason didn’t need another strategy. He needed to remember who he was. And when he did, everything changed. This isn’t just Jason’s story. It’s the story of so many leaders who are gifted yet weighed down by things that aren’t theirs to carry. The world will always offer you another formula, another shortcut, or another distraction dressed up as the answer. None of it works if you’re disconnected from your mission and you’ve lost sight of your value. Leadership begins within. And real, soul-deep success is built on purpose, not performance. So if you’ve been chasing tactics and still feel like something’s missing, maybe it’s time to stop running and come home to yourself. That’s where your greatest work begins. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to assess what’s driving your actions. Are you doing this because it’s aligned — or because you think you should? For this week, write down the top 3 things you’re doing right now to grow your business or leadership. For each one, ask: Is this aligned with my mission or driven by pressure or expectation? Circle the one that feels most out of alignment, and then pause it for the next 7 days and notice what shifts. You don’t need to do more; you need to move with clarity.
By Lisa Marie Platske October 6, 2025
Each person’s life force is different. Some people move through life full throttle, operating at a level 10 every day and moving around at Mach speed. Others max out at five—or even one or two reps per minute. On any given day, you wake up with a certain amount of energy to work with. And you get to make decisions about what to do with that energy. Of all the actions you could possibly take, do you focus on what matters most to you? As the day unfolds, your life force begins to decrease. And when you’re not clear about what you say yes to, or what you say no to, you may discover there’s nothing left for what matters most. How you arrange your days, rhythm, and relationships determines whether your life and business will be sustainable over time. Most people move through life as if they’ve got an endless supply of energy to pull from. And when they don’t get everything done on their never-ending task list, they look around and assume they must be doing something wrong. Playing the comparison game will never lead you to health, happiness, success, or meaning. It won’t get you to peace or ease, either. What it will do is drain you ... quietly and consistently. Until you’re moving through your days exhausted, wondering why everything feels off. You weren’t made to run on empty. You wake up each day with a limited amount of life force. And where you invest it determines what grows. That’s the shift I help leaders make—honoring their capacity, aligning with what matters, and choosing to lead from a place of deep integrity and ease. Because the world doesn’t need a burnt-out version of you. It needs you and the brilliance only you carry. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to track your energy. Grab a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. Label one side “ Life-Giving ” and the other “ Draining .” As you go through your day, notice what energizes you and what depletes you. Write it down. Then, choose one draining item to shift, delegate, delay, or delete this week. Your energy is sacred and make sure to protect it.
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By Lisa Marie Platske October 27, 2025
When I was 6 years old, I understood there was something powerful for me to do on the planet. A mission that was bigger than me. Bigger than I could comprehend. And I get that sounds crazy as I was simultaneously learning how to count, and add 4 + 6 to come up with 10. What I can tell you that I'm clear about is that despite that inner knowing, I floundered over the years trying to figure out how I could really step into this Calling. How could this possibly be mine to do?!? From hiding it, burying it, and avoiding it, it seemed I kept running away from what I knew was mine to do in the world. There is a shift that happens in a person’s life when they realize it’s time to step up and become the leader they are destined to be. ~ To make an impact ~ To be a force for good on the planet ~ To step into their Calling See, God doesn't give folks little missions. They're all big and designed for exactly how you're wired. For me, it started with a grand vision as a little girl. For others, it may reveal itself over time, perhaps after decades of transformational experiences. Your mission matters—and the world needs you and your brilliance. So, regardless of whether you are on your journey, it’s time to look at leadership from this lens vs. that of job positions and titles. Now’s the moment to stop questioning whether it’s yours. It is. And the next step is yours to take. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to sit down and ask yourself: What’s one thing I keep feeling called to do yet I haven’t acted on? Name it and just write it down. Then decide how you’ll honor it in the next 48 hours. Take one clear, intentional step.
By Lisa Marie Platske October 20, 2025
Divine impatience. This is what my spiritual mentor and I have been talking about quite a bit. It's when you understand that lurking around the corner is the birthing of your new idea or new chapter, and God's timing is a little different than your own. You feel you're ready and it's time, yet nothing seems to be moving. This is very different than being stuck. I've discovered that all leaders go through this season. Some will put up a heck of a fight, and try to muscle their way forward. And I can promise you that never works. Others will throw up their hands and abdicate personal responsibility, excusing their lack of initiative and giving themselves a reason to sit back and do nothing. Divine Right Timing is truly "a thing" and no amount of force will have a door open when it's not to be opened yet. Yet that doesn't mean you step out of your life and wait. Growth happens moment by moment over time, not in a flash or an instant. You have a duty to keep moving forward while recognizing that your clock and God's may be set on different planes in the time and space continuum. I've learned to see the Divine perfection in everything... ...even when I hope what I want would show up a little faster. So much of leadership is learning to move in rhythm with Divine Right Timing. It’s listening, trusting and leaning in even when you don’t see the full picture yet. You begin to discern when to act and when to wait; when to take the next faithful step and when to let the path rise up to meet you. That’s not something you master overnight. It’s something you practice, in the pauses, in the tension, in the stretch between what is and what’s to come. So if you're in that space right now, where you feel the stirring, the readiness, the knowing and yet, nothing seems to be shifting, take heart . You're not doing anything wrong. You're not being ignored by God. You're being prepared. And when the door does open, you'll walk through it with the clarity, strength, and grace you gained in the waiting. That’s the Divine right on time. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to take inventory of what you’ve been striving to control. Where are you trying to open a door that isn’t yours to open yet? Is there a situation where you’ve confused momentum with force? Write down three things you’re being called to trust, not fix. Then choose one aligned step that keeps you in motion without pushing against Divine Timing. Sometimes the wisest move is to walk in faith while the door gets ready for you.
By Lisa Marie Platske October 13, 2025
Jason struggled for years, trying everything he knew to do. First, he rebuilt his website. Then, he spent money getting people to listen to his podcast. Next, he mapped out a social media strategy with a digital marketing agency. Lastly, he went all in on paid advertising. He was working long hours and missing out on time with his family. And Jason’s bank account kept shrinking. He couldn’t figure out why nothing seemed to be working. That’s when we met. Jason was the older brother of a friend of mine, and she thought I could help him see the missing piece. I agreed to meet with him over Zoom. He was direct and told me he wasn’t sure why his sister wanted us to talk. I was direct with him, too, and shared that she had been watching him struggle in business, and believed the work I do could help jumpstart new opportunities. I shared my desire to listen and be of service — if he was open. Still a bit bristly in his demeanor, he said he wanted to hear what I had to say. After I asked a few questions, in about 30 minutes, he softened and started to open up about what was really going on behind closed doors in his business. I began putting the pieces together and could see that Jason thought he had to do business like everyone else — and it was killing him. He had spent the last 24 months trying to grow the business with very little to show for it, and his confidence had taken a hit. I saw through his bravado with a whole lot of tenderness — because I’ve been there. When you don’t stack the wins, everything around you starts to feel like a loss. You begin doubting your worth and value. And when that happens … ~ it’s hard to build a great website ... ~ it’s hard to write on social media ... ~ and it’s hard to attract the people you’re called to serve. Sometimes you can’t see what you need to shift, so you start chasing tactics trying to fix the problem. Rarely are tactics the issue behind a stunted career or a stalled business venture. If you don’t first figure out who you are, what you want, and why it matters, none of those other things will work for you. Then, you’ve got to get clear on your mission, values, and vision. From there, I look at the patterns that have been showing up. No one can see their own. When you get that all dialed in, bigger opportunities start to show up. Why? Because you’re contributing to the world unencumbered. And if you could see your own blocks, you’d already have removed them. Jason realized he couldn’t walk this journey alone any longer. The best leaders get that. So to get the greatest ROI, focus on leadership. Focusing on tactics, technology, AI, or other shiny objects won’t bring in the big paycheck. Jason and I worked together one-on-one and got his leadership IQ dialed in. Once he had clarity, I helped him write new marketing materials… …and the results were astounding — a 23% increase in gross sales. Today, he’s making a mark on the world. Jason didn’t need another strategy. He needed to remember who he was. And when he did, everything changed. This isn’t just Jason’s story. It’s the story of so many leaders who are gifted yet weighed down by things that aren’t theirs to carry. The world will always offer you another formula, another shortcut, or another distraction dressed up as the answer. None of it works if you’re disconnected from your mission and you’ve lost sight of your value. Leadership begins within. And real, soul-deep success is built on purpose, not performance. So if you’ve been chasing tactics and still feel like something’s missing, maybe it’s time to stop running and come home to yourself. That’s where your greatest work begins. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to assess what’s driving your actions. Are you doing this because it’s aligned — or because you think you should? For this week, write down the top 3 things you’re doing right now to grow your business or leadership. For each one, ask: Is this aligned with my mission or driven by pressure or expectation? Circle the one that feels most out of alignment, and then pause it for the next 7 days and notice what shifts. You don’t need to do more; you need to move with clarity.
By Lisa Marie Platske October 6, 2025
Each person’s life force is different. Some people move through life full throttle, operating at a level 10 every day and moving around at Mach speed. Others max out at five—or even one or two reps per minute. On any given day, you wake up with a certain amount of energy to work with. And you get to make decisions about what to do with that energy. Of all the actions you could possibly take, do you focus on what matters most to you? As the day unfolds, your life force begins to decrease. And when you’re not clear about what you say yes to, or what you say no to, you may discover there’s nothing left for what matters most. How you arrange your days, rhythm, and relationships determines whether your life and business will be sustainable over time. Most people move through life as if they’ve got an endless supply of energy to pull from. And when they don’t get everything done on their never-ending task list, they look around and assume they must be doing something wrong. Playing the comparison game will never lead you to health, happiness, success, or meaning. It won’t get you to peace or ease, either. What it will do is drain you ... quietly and consistently. Until you’re moving through your days exhausted, wondering why everything feels off. You weren’t made to run on empty. You wake up each day with a limited amount of life force. And where you invest it determines what grows. That’s the shift I help leaders make—honoring their capacity, aligning with what matters, and choosing to lead from a place of deep integrity and ease. Because the world doesn’t need a burnt-out version of you. It needs you and the brilliance only you carry. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to track your energy. Grab a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. Label one side “ Life-Giving ” and the other “ Draining .” As you go through your day, notice what energizes you and what depletes you. Write it down. Then, choose one draining item to shift, delegate, delay, or delete this week. Your energy is sacred and make sure to protect it.
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