Are You Falling Prey to the Dark Side of Leadership?
Lisa Marie Platske • November 27, 2018
“To do, or not to do,” this is often the question.
Wait, isn’t it supposed to be, “To be, or not to be?”
Sigh.
I am someone who likes to get stuff done.
My husband’s cousin calls me the “over-achiever”.
And, I’ve always taken great pride in my ability to take on more than most people and have it all work out well.
My friends and family recognize they can count on me – that I will be responsible enough to do whatever they need and deliver it with excellence.
The same is true of my clients.
And, this feels good when I’m operating out of healthy choice and with clear boundaries.
Unfortunately, this hasn’t always been the case.
Years ago, I would work hard and assume the responsibilities of others who are capable of doing it themselves because I didn’t trust them.
Then, I would become resentful or angry, especially when I didn’t get the kudos I thought I deserved for all of my hard work.
Today, I refer to this as leadership self-sabotage – when a leader enters into a co-dependent relationship with followers, taking on more than he/she needs to, and creating a victim/victor cycle.
This behavior can be found in boardrooms around the world – as well as in small family businesses– and even in families.
It is the dark side of leadership, and not often spoken about other than when someone uses it in extreme terms like “control freak.”
What’s important to recognize is the focus from doing to being.
When you focus solely on your doingness with the expectation of being the hero and getting it right, you can lose touch with your beingness which is where the core of your leadership essence lives.
This doesn’t mean that being effective and getting the right things done doesn’t matter.
Quite the opposite.
It simply means that when you do it at the expense of who you are, you create an unhealthy pattern that sabotages great leadership.
The best leaders hire people they can trust to create productive teams and remember to trust them. If not, why hire them?
And those same leaders started out being people who needed a confident leader to believe in them and trust them to do excellent work.
Are you remembering the value of your team?
Leaders worth following understand that who they are being and how they are being is often more important that what they say — and certainly more effective than doing it all.
Action:
The Upside Challenge of the week is to notice your motivation when you are drilling away at your to-do list at work or at home. Is it rooted in pleasing others? Being the hero? Take a breath. Can you delegate some of this work? Or do it from a different place within yourself – one of choice and clear boundaries?
People follow the person first, then their great plan.
Be a leader worth following.
The world needs you and your brilliance.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 22, 2025
Happiness, success, and meaning are drivers in my life. This is why I've never liked chit-chat, and why small talk makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel as if I'm frittering away the precious minutes of my life. I want to engage in deep, meaningful conversations where the exchange of my time and yours creates something of value in the world. That and the ability to laugh at myself with someone who isn’t afraid of going deep while finding God funny, too. Time waits for no one. There are no extra minutes in your day. I remember being a kid and thinking 15 minutes took f-o-r-e-v-e-r to pass. Now, I feel as if I can blink and 15 minutes passes me by if I'm not intentional about how I invest it. This level of consciousness in the leadership space means that you understand the value of every "yes" and every "no" in your life and business. You don't have time to spend frivolously. Every minute on the clock counts — and pulls you closer to what you want and what you're here on the planet to do ... or it takes you further off-course. The choice is yours. So be deliberate. What you say yes to creates your future. Make time for the people, the spaces, and the work that reflect who you are. Because not everything deserves your energy. And you were never meant to move through this life distracted or disconnected. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to track how you’re really spending your time. Choose one full workday and log your time. Not what you planned to do, track what you actually did. Use a simple tool like Toggl, RescueTime, Clockify, or even just a notebook and a timer. At the end of the day, review what you captured. What aligned with your mission? What pulled you off-course? What never should’ve made it on your plate in the first place? As a leader, your time is one of your greatest assets. Treat it with the same intentionality you bring to your vision. How you use your hours shapes the legacy you leave behind.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 15, 2025
I grew up watching my mother handle any obstacle life threw at her. I'm sure she cried herself to sleep many nights, yet she still got up every morning to raise me so I could grow up to be the person I am today. I am strong like her because I learned from the best. See, there are no handbooks for life. You do the best you can every day no matter what the world throws at you. When you do this, you develop an internal resilience that will have you handle more than you ever thought was possible. When Jim and I moved to Summit Hills Farm, I thought that because this was a divine assignment, things would come together beautifully. What showed up was nothing like what I would have created on a vision board. ~ The neighbors were less than friendly. ~ The previous owner didn't disclose lots of little things—that added up to some BIG things. ~ The house manager I'd worked with for 7 years left because of an arranged marriage, leaving me to figure out a lot of stuff on my own. My list could go on and on. Yet, I was pretty sure this was all designed for my highest and greatest good , no matter how it looked on the outside. My mom taught me the subtle art of resilience—and no matter what life threw my way, I was going to win. Because resilience doesn’t always look like a perfectly handled situation. Sometimes, it looks like staying rooted when the ground beneath you shifts. Sometimes, it’s in figuring things out when you feel completely unequipped. And sometimes, it’s simply choosing not to walk away when it would be easier to quit. Resilience is built in the small moments when no one sees you trying and still, you do. And it’s in those moments that your strength becomes something unshakeable. Just like my mother’s was. And now, just like mine is too. So if life feels heavy or messy right now, I want you to hear this: This isn’t the end of your story. You’re not being broken; you’re being prepared. You’re being strengthened for something greater than what you see right now. Keep showing up. Keep choosing to rise. There’s something in you this world needs and resilience is how it gets revealed. You’ve got this. Because the world needs you and your brilliance, now more than ever. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to make a list of 3 situations you handled well even if they didn’t feel like wins at the time. Think of moments when things didn’t go your way, yet you figured it out, stayed the course, or simply didn’t give up. Write them down. Then, beside each one, jot down what quality you showed—patience, resourcefulness, courage, faith. Let this be a reminder.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 8, 2025
I've been doing "behind the scenes" coaching for over a decade. Most folks who come to me seek to diagnose the wrong problem. You don't need more information or another book to read. You don't need more motivation or another podcast to fire you up. You don't even need more self-awareness, disguised as 50 hypothetical questions to answer. What most folks need is a little more quiet in their life. They need space to hear their Yes and NO clearly. They need the ability to pause before moving forward like a runaway freight train when making a decision. And that’s part of why I created the Upside Warrior Men’s Retreat. It’s not something flashy. In fact, it's happening quietly right now—intentionally designed to be an unhurried space for men to breathe, reset, and reconnect with the voice inside that knows what truly matters. See, most folks try to cram 25 hours or more into their 24-hour day, trying to win some imaginary productivity award. They've listened to one too many "expert" who tells them that only folks that are unmotivated and unfocused sleep in past 4:30am. If they want to be successful, they better know how to hustle. I bought into this bill of goods early in my career, believing that rest was for people who were lazy. What I've witnessed from folks who live this way is that they'll either: act out, burn out, or get sick. And I've walked that same path myself. When you give yourself space throughout the day, you begin connecting to an inner wisdom that will serve as a guide to making better decisions. And you get clarity on the first step to take ... and then the next. Life becomes more enjoyable and less of a marathon. So, wherever you are today—whether you’re running fast or finally catching your breath—I hope this serves as a gentle reminder: You don’t have to do more to be more. You don’t have to prove your worth through motion. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is pause... to make space and to listen for what’s next. That’s what this season has been about for me and for the men currently in retreat—creating space to hear what really matters. The truest one. And I want that for you too. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to pause instead of pushing forward. When you feel the urge to jump in, fix, respond, or say yes too quickly, choose stillness. Let presence lead. Pause before replying to a triggering email. Take a breath before offering a solution. Hold silence in a meeting instead of rushing to fill it. In those quiet moments, you may find that clarity, wisdom, and strength speak loudest when you do less, not more.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 1, 2025
Years ago, I thought I had to be friends with everyone I met. Growing up, I was told it was rude to exclude folks from your circle so I stopped being choosey and let EVERYONE in. This led to me being around folks who were upsetting to my system ... ... folks who were out of integrity with themselves ... folks who weren't trustworthy, and ... folks who didn't honor who I was. As a little girl, I spent time around folks who were like that and became numb to breaks in integrity. Back then, I didn't have the ability to discern the difference which is why the relationship I had with my grandparents was important. They lived their life honestly, despite the circumstances that often surrounded them. See my grandparents lived in the not-so-good part of town. My grandfather sat on the sofa with the police radio chatter in his ear all day long. Robberies, burglaries, and drug deals were all too common. They were woven into the fabric of the neighborhood. You could hear gunshots and police sirens throughout the day. Despite growing up with that all around me, my grandparents modeled having a strong work ethic and doing the right thing no matter what. Because when that's in the background, you unconsciously don't see the world as a safe place. My system was out of whack without me even knowing it. That's what I love so much about living at Summit Hills Farm. Every day, I get to spend time out in nature. Research shows that spending time in nature improves your physical and mental health. Being around the trees and walking on the land reduces stress, lowers cortisol levels, and reduces blood pressure. It calms the mind and body. See, I used to be an "All Are Welcome" kinda gal until I realized that wasn't healthy, and it didn't align with how God created me. I'm built to challenge ... to confront ... and to push folks past their growth edges. I'm not the kinda gal who's going to tell you what you want to hear. I'm the kinda gal who's going to tell you what you need to hear. So this I tell you... It’s not about where you grew up or how much you’ve had to overcome. We’ve all got stories that carry both beauty and ache. What matters is whether you remember who you are in the middle of it all. For a long time, I wore openness like a badge of honor, until I realized I was handing out access to people who hadn’t earned the right to hold space with me. When you’re clear on who you are, what you want, and why it matters, you begin to choose differently. That’s the kind of work I’ve been doing quietly behind the scenes for years—helping leaders return to themselves. And it’s the heart behind the retreats like the Upside Warrior Men's Retreat Because when you create space to remember what’s true, you lead with more courage, more clarity, and more peace. And that changes everything. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to honor one aligned yes. Choose one area of your life—your calendar, a conversation, a commitment—and ask: Is this aligned with who I am and what I value? If it is, give it your full-hearted yes. If it’s not, lovingly release it. Saying yes to what aligns with you is how you build a life rooted in clarity, peace, and purpose.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 22, 2025
Happiness, success, and meaning are drivers in my life. This is why I've never liked chit-chat, and why small talk makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel as if I'm frittering away the precious minutes of my life. I want to engage in deep, meaningful conversations where the exchange of my time and yours creates something of value in the world. That and the ability to laugh at myself with someone who isn’t afraid of going deep while finding God funny, too. Time waits for no one. There are no extra minutes in your day. I remember being a kid and thinking 15 minutes took f-o-r-e-v-e-r to pass. Now, I feel as if I can blink and 15 minutes passes me by if I'm not intentional about how I invest it. This level of consciousness in the leadership space means that you understand the value of every "yes" and every "no" in your life and business. You don't have time to spend frivolously. Every minute on the clock counts — and pulls you closer to what you want and what you're here on the planet to do ... or it takes you further off-course. The choice is yours. So be deliberate. What you say yes to creates your future. Make time for the people, the spaces, and the work that reflect who you are. Because not everything deserves your energy. And you were never meant to move through this life distracted or disconnected. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to track how you’re really spending your time. Choose one full workday and log your time. Not what you planned to do, track what you actually did. Use a simple tool like Toggl, RescueTime, Clockify, or even just a notebook and a timer. At the end of the day, review what you captured. What aligned with your mission? What pulled you off-course? What never should’ve made it on your plate in the first place? As a leader, your time is one of your greatest assets. Treat it with the same intentionality you bring to your vision. How you use your hours shapes the legacy you leave behind.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 15, 2025
I grew up watching my mother handle any obstacle life threw at her. I'm sure she cried herself to sleep many nights, yet she still got up every morning to raise me so I could grow up to be the person I am today. I am strong like her because I learned from the best. See, there are no handbooks for life. You do the best you can every day no matter what the world throws at you. When you do this, you develop an internal resilience that will have you handle more than you ever thought was possible. When Jim and I moved to Summit Hills Farm, I thought that because this was a divine assignment, things would come together beautifully. What showed up was nothing like what I would have created on a vision board. ~ The neighbors were less than friendly. ~ The previous owner didn't disclose lots of little things—that added up to some BIG things. ~ The house manager I'd worked with for 7 years left because of an arranged marriage, leaving me to figure out a lot of stuff on my own. My list could go on and on. Yet, I was pretty sure this was all designed for my highest and greatest good , no matter how it looked on the outside. My mom taught me the subtle art of resilience—and no matter what life threw my way, I was going to win. Because resilience doesn’t always look like a perfectly handled situation. Sometimes, it looks like staying rooted when the ground beneath you shifts. Sometimes, it’s in figuring things out when you feel completely unequipped. And sometimes, it’s simply choosing not to walk away when it would be easier to quit. Resilience is built in the small moments when no one sees you trying and still, you do. And it’s in those moments that your strength becomes something unshakeable. Just like my mother’s was. And now, just like mine is too. So if life feels heavy or messy right now, I want you to hear this: This isn’t the end of your story. You’re not being broken; you’re being prepared. You’re being strengthened for something greater than what you see right now. Keep showing up. Keep choosing to rise. There’s something in you this world needs and resilience is how it gets revealed. You’ve got this. Because the world needs you and your brilliance, now more than ever. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to make a list of 3 situations you handled well even if they didn’t feel like wins at the time. Think of moments when things didn’t go your way, yet you figured it out, stayed the course, or simply didn’t give up. Write them down. Then, beside each one, jot down what quality you showed—patience, resourcefulness, courage, faith. Let this be a reminder.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 8, 2025
I've been doing "behind the scenes" coaching for over a decade. Most folks who come to me seek to diagnose the wrong problem. You don't need more information or another book to read. You don't need more motivation or another podcast to fire you up. You don't even need more self-awareness, disguised as 50 hypothetical questions to answer. What most folks need is a little more quiet in their life. They need space to hear their Yes and NO clearly. They need the ability to pause before moving forward like a runaway freight train when making a decision. And that’s part of why I created the Upside Warrior Men’s Retreat. It’s not something flashy. In fact, it's happening quietly right now—intentionally designed to be an unhurried space for men to breathe, reset, and reconnect with the voice inside that knows what truly matters. See, most folks try to cram 25 hours or more into their 24-hour day, trying to win some imaginary productivity award. They've listened to one too many "expert" who tells them that only folks that are unmotivated and unfocused sleep in past 4:30am. If they want to be successful, they better know how to hustle. I bought into this bill of goods early in my career, believing that rest was for people who were lazy. What I've witnessed from folks who live this way is that they'll either: act out, burn out, or get sick. And I've walked that same path myself. When you give yourself space throughout the day, you begin connecting to an inner wisdom that will serve as a guide to making better decisions. And you get clarity on the first step to take ... and then the next. Life becomes more enjoyable and less of a marathon. So, wherever you are today—whether you’re running fast or finally catching your breath—I hope this serves as a gentle reminder: You don’t have to do more to be more. You don’t have to prove your worth through motion. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is pause... to make space and to listen for what’s next. That’s what this season has been about for me and for the men currently in retreat—creating space to hear what really matters. The truest one. And I want that for you too. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to pause instead of pushing forward. When you feel the urge to jump in, fix, respond, or say yes too quickly, choose stillness. Let presence lead. Pause before replying to a triggering email. Take a breath before offering a solution. Hold silence in a meeting instead of rushing to fill it. In those quiet moments, you may find that clarity, wisdom, and strength speak loudest when you do less, not more.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
September 1, 2025
Years ago, I thought I had to be friends with everyone I met. Growing up, I was told it was rude to exclude folks from your circle so I stopped being choosey and let EVERYONE in. This led to me being around folks who were upsetting to my system ... ... folks who were out of integrity with themselves ... folks who weren't trustworthy, and ... folks who didn't honor who I was. As a little girl, I spent time around folks who were like that and became numb to breaks in integrity. Back then, I didn't have the ability to discern the difference which is why the relationship I had with my grandparents was important. They lived their life honestly, despite the circumstances that often surrounded them. See my grandparents lived in the not-so-good part of town. My grandfather sat on the sofa with the police radio chatter in his ear all day long. Robberies, burglaries, and drug deals were all too common. They were woven into the fabric of the neighborhood. You could hear gunshots and police sirens throughout the day. Despite growing up with that all around me, my grandparents modeled having a strong work ethic and doing the right thing no matter what. Because when that's in the background, you unconsciously don't see the world as a safe place. My system was out of whack without me even knowing it. That's what I love so much about living at Summit Hills Farm. Every day, I get to spend time out in nature. Research shows that spending time in nature improves your physical and mental health. Being around the trees and walking on the land reduces stress, lowers cortisol levels, and reduces blood pressure. It calms the mind and body. See, I used to be an "All Are Welcome" kinda gal until I realized that wasn't healthy, and it didn't align with how God created me. I'm built to challenge ... to confront ... and to push folks past their growth edges. I'm not the kinda gal who's going to tell you what you want to hear. I'm the kinda gal who's going to tell you what you need to hear. So this I tell you... It’s not about where you grew up or how much you’ve had to overcome. We’ve all got stories that carry both beauty and ache. What matters is whether you remember who you are in the middle of it all. For a long time, I wore openness like a badge of honor, until I realized I was handing out access to people who hadn’t earned the right to hold space with me. When you’re clear on who you are, what you want, and why it matters, you begin to choose differently. That’s the kind of work I’ve been doing quietly behind the scenes for years—helping leaders return to themselves. And it’s the heart behind the retreats like the Upside Warrior Men's Retreat Because when you create space to remember what’s true, you lead with more courage, more clarity, and more peace. And that changes everything. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to honor one aligned yes. Choose one area of your life—your calendar, a conversation, a commitment—and ask: Is this aligned with who I am and what I value? If it is, give it your full-hearted yes. If it’s not, lovingly release it. Saying yes to what aligns with you is how you build a life rooted in clarity, peace, and purpose.
