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Missing Mom
LisaMarie • Apr 20, 2020
I arose just before 6 a.m. this morning in excruciating pain, the kind that passes the scale of 10 without a speed bump.
A headache had been hounding me for almost 12 hours when I awoke in the middle of a dream where I was conversing with my mom’s best friend, Lila, who passed almost 30 years ago from an aneurism.
I had forgotten about Lila and it had been years, maybe even decades since my mom and I last spoke of her.
Yet in my dream, Lila’s raspy voice was amazingly clear and our conversation very much alive.
Startled, I began to question if this was a personal message from the universe and if I should head directly to the ER.
Adding to what is more than a mild case of lifetime hypochondria is the fact that I live less than 5 miles from Kirkland, WA, where mounting coronavirus cases continue to be reported.
I began to breathe deeply in through my nose and out through my mouth while silently going through a checklist.
Did Lila die of an aneurism because she didn’t go to the hospital when her head hurt?
Could this be triggered from associated back pain?
Had I eaten anything unusual or possibly allergenic?
Did I drink wine last night? Was I dehydrated?
Would it be responsible for me to get tested for the virus or does that create more exposure and instead opt for self-quarantine?
How much of this pain was literally or figuratively in my head?
As my restlessness and anxiety increased, my husband woke up and said, “What’s wrong sweetheart?” To which I replied, “I want my mom.”
My response surprised even me.
My mom is 77 and I am 53. I live on the West Coast, and she lives in the Midwest.
I’ve spent most of my adult life weaving between acts where I demonstrate she isn’t needed or resent her for showing up in the first place.
Until recently that is, when I’ve magically conjured up a grace card for her and have been searching for a meaning to its unexpected appearance.
The obvious answer is that after 25 years of mothering my own two sons, I am preparing for an empty nest next year when my youngest graduates.
Cognizant of the hours I spend imagining what relationship will look like with my children once they leave our home, I frequently sit in guilt about my own relationship with my mother.
I am also at an age where I’m witnessing close friends lose parents, leaving me with a sentiment of gratitude that I still have one, even if it wasn’t always the parent I wanted to keep.
The older I get the more I reflect on how easy it’s been to romanticize a father who died at the young age of 56 and how difficult it must have been for my mother to lose the love of her life and become a single parent at age 48.
My newfound appreciation for my mother has stretched as far as taking her on a vacation to Palm Springs for an entire week without getting mad at her even once.
More surprising than that was crying, as in sobbing crying, after dropping her off at the airport. Maybe it’s menopause?
Next, I did what any rational 53 year-old woman with a headache would do at six in the morning, I called my mom. When she answered I started the conversation with “tell me the story of how Lila died.”
My mother, in her best story telling voice began to recount in great detail the memory of her best friend’s last day on earth, which included a morning phone call to her mom.
I began to wonder why I never called my mother in the mornings, if hardly ever.
Texting was so much easier and perfect for fulfilling obligation without risking intimacy.
Suddenly she stopped mid-sentence and asked in a shocked voice, “Why are you calling me at 6 a.m. and asking about Lila?”
I told her about my headache, hypochondria, and the latest coronavirus stats.
In her matter of fact teacher-voice she replied, “Remember how grandma sliced potatoes and wrapped them on her head to suck out the poison, but you need to slice them really thin and only use a true cotton very thin kitchen towel like she had, be sure to tie the knot tight.”
Ah grandma.
I had forgotten how she had a cure for everything that didn’t have to do with modern medicine. I missed her too.
Before I started crying, which would only add to the throbbing pain, I hung up the phone and went downstairs to slice a potato.
I waded through piles of neatly folded towels, until I found a thin cotton one near the bottom of the drawer.
I quietly climbed back into bed, my head wrapped like a wounded soldier, put on a meditation podcast, and miraculously fell back asleep.
I awoke a few hours later with a dissipating headache and recollection that I didn’t have any caffeine the day prior.
Not intentionally, I just had a busy morning and never got around to making a coffee.
I felt an avalanche of relief in knowing that I was no longer in crisis and pride in adding the potato trick to my homeopathic toolkit.
“It worked,” I whispered to my husband, who asked if it was okay to make Mrs. Potato-head jokes now.
Shortly afterwards, as I stood stirring my morning coffee, I recalled a faint memory of my grandmother pouring coffee from a percolator style coffee pot into a brown plastic cup with matching saucer, her homemade biscotti alongside for dunking, and serving it to my mother.
Sometimes, and perhaps especially in these times, it’s okay to just want your mom.
Action: The Upside Challenge for the week is to examine where you’re what would give you the most comfort and to honor that.
We are operating in a moment of time where we are giving grace more freely to others.
In that process, we also can extend an invitation to give grace to ourselves.
Spend time journaling and reflecting on areas where you find your inner critic showing up.
Write a letter to yourself replacing criticism with words of compassion and grace.
The world needs you and your brilliance.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
02 May, 2024
Today, I'll be diving deeper into the vital role that coaches, mentors, and supportive friends play in guiding us through times of transition and growth. When you find yourself in the midst of change, uncertainty, or a major life transition, it can be tempting to try to go it alone. We may feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness. The truth is, we all need guidance and support at various points in our lives and careers. Think about a time when you were faced with a significant challenge or decision. How did you navigate that situation? Did you try to figure it out on your own, or did you reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals for support? I can attest from my own experience that having the right people in your corner can make all the difference. When I was going through the twists and turns of growing my business and figuring out my next steps, I leaned heavily on my coaches, mentors, and close friends. One of the coaches who has been particularly impactful in my life is Ryan Stewman . Ryan has helped countless entrepreneurs and sales professionals break through their barriers and achieve greater success. Through his coaching and guidance, he's helped me gain clarity on my vision, improve my sales and marketing strategies, and stay motivated and focused even when the path ahead seemed unclear. Another invaluable resource has been Lumenaria E. Goyer , a fellow coach and healer. Lumenaria has a unique ability to help people tap into their deepest truths and unlock their full potential. Her insights and support have been instrumental in my personal growth and development, enabling me to show up more authentically in my business and in my relationships. And then there's Neville Joffe , a business and cash flow strategist who has become a trusted mentor and friend. Neville has a wealth of experience and a keen analytical mind, and he's helped me navigate complex challenges, make difficult decisions, and stay grounded during times of rapid change and expansion. Finally, I have to give a shout-out to my dear friend Cody Toussau . Cody is a fellow entrepreneur, and he's been a constant source of encouragement, wisdom, and accountability for me. He's the one I turn to when I need a fresh perspective, or a gentle push to keep moving forward. These are just a few of the incredible people who have helped me find my way through life's roundabouts. I know I'm not alone. We all need that kind of support and guidance at various points in our lives. So, the question is, who are the people in your life that can help you navigate the twists and turns you're facing? And if you're not sure where to start, feel free to reach out to me. I'd be honored to listen to your story, offer my perspective, and connect you with resources and people who can support you on your journey. Because the world needs you, and your light deserves to shine brightly. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to evaluate and strengthen your personal circle of support: Reflect on the major decisions or growth edges you currently have in your life and work. Honestly assess any gaps in the support and wisdom you require. Then, make a list of the coaches, mentors, friends and advisors who currently provide guidance. Also, reach out to potential new mentors, join a mastermind group, explore coaching programs, or get vulnerable with friends about needing their perspective. Invest effort this week into building up your personal circle of guides - the diverse voices who can provide support. The world needs your brilliance, shining even brighter from walking alongside these lights.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
29 Apr, 2024
Have you ever found yourself driving through an unfamiliar town, only to come across a peculiar intersection - a roundabout? I remember the first time I encountered one when I was living in New Jersey. At first, it seemed completely foreign and counterintuitive to me. Instead of a traditional four-way stop or traffic light, you simply entered this circular intersection and had to navigate your way around it, exiting onto the road you needed to take. The experience of driving through a roundabout is a lot like the journey of life itself. You're moving forward, but not in a straight line. It can feel disorienting, especially when you're not used to it. Just like navigating a roundabout, life is full of twists and turns, moments where we have to make decisions and change direction. You may find yourself asking questions like, ~ Where am I going? ~ Where am I called to be? ~ Who am I called to be? ~ How do I get where I want to go when I can't see clearly? It's in those times of uncertainty and change that we need people in our lives who can help us see what we can't see for ourselves. That's why I'm so grateful for the coaches, mentors, and friends who have walked alongside me, especially during the times of transition and growth in my own life and business. So, who are the people in your life that help you navigate the roundabouts? The world needs your brilliance, your light, your unique gifts. And you don't have to shine that light alone. Surround yourself with people who can see what you can't, who can offer guidance and support as you navigate life's roundabouts. In my next newsletter, I'll be diving deeper into the vital role that coaches, mentors, and supportive friends play in guiding us through times of transition and growth. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify the guides who can help you through life's roundabouts. Identify 1-2 people (coaches, mentors, friends) already in your life who can provide that guidance. Commit to leaning on them this week. If you lack key guides, take action to find them - research coaches/programs, join a mastermind, get honest with a wise friend about needing their perspective. Remember, the world needs your brilliance, and you'll shine even brighter with the right people illuminating the path beside you. Take steps this week to surround yourself with guides for this season.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
25 Apr, 2024
As I wandered the serene paths of the farm, my mind couldn't help but drift to the profound words of Kahlil Gibran in his masterpiece, The Prophet. The soft glow of the moon illuminated the vibrant wisdom echoing through my soul from his lines: "Do not live half a life... and do not die a half death. If you choose silence, then be silent. When you speak, do so until you are finished. If you accept, then express it bluntly. Do not mask it. If you refuse, then be clear about it, for an ambiguous refusal is but a weak acceptance. Do not accept half a solution. Do not believe half truths. Do not dream half a dream. Do not fantasize about half hopes. Half the way will get you nowhere. You are a whole that exists to live a life, not half a life." Gibran's words resonate deeply, compelling me to ask myself... ~ What are the ways in which I have been living half a life? ~ Have I truly been using 100% of my gifts, abilities, talents, and experiences? ~ Have I expressed myself fully in all areas of my life? Gibran's wisdom compels us to confront ourselves honestly. We cannot delude ourselves with half-truths or fantasize about half-hopes. To live authentically demands complete commitment - a wholehearted embrace of our purpose and passion. The great poet reminds us that such an approach leads nowhere. We are meant for greatness, to live lives that shake the universe. Each of us carries our own brilliance. When we show up halfway, the world loses apiece of the mosaic it longs for. So let this be your charge - to live with such passion that the world cannot help but be forever changed by your presence. For in the end, that is the greatest measure of a life well-lived. Remember... The World Needs You and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to choose one creative project or expressive outlet and devote concentrated time to it with your full self. Whether it's writing, painting, dancing, singing, building something with your hands - pick a creative pursuit that lights you up. Make it your priority practice. Block off 2-3 hour time chunks to immerse yourself completely in the creative flow without distractions or multitasking. Show up 100% focused and express yourself boldly through this medium. When you naturally start to lose momentum or inspiration, stop and reflect in your journal. What did this experience of whole-hearted creating teach you? How can you apply that energy to other areas of your life? Your brilliance shines through full creative expression.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
22 Apr, 2024
Are you capable of disagreeing without contempt? Very few people truly are. One of the greatest flaws inhibiting great leadership is not being capable of having a civil disagreement. As Utah Governor Spencer Cox stated when he became chair of the National Governors Association, "Our country is deeply divided. We are facing a toxic debate unlike anything that we've seen since the Civil War...we have to find a better way." Cox didn't tell Americans to simply agree with each other. Instead, he acknowledged that healthy debates are "essential to a functioning political system." The critical point he made is that we must learn to disagree with less hostility. The ability to do this boils down to three key factors : Separating Leadership from Title True leaders don't let their position or authority make them think they are above disagreement or criticism. They understand that honest debates and differing perspectives are vital for growth, innovation and credible decision-making. True leadership is a calling, not a title. 2.aMastering Emotional Intelligence The best leaders have mastered this. They don't take criticisms or opposing viewpoints as personal affronts. They can engage debates without getting emotional or lashing out defensively. 3.aRaising the Level of Discourse The greatest leaders understand the vital need for respectful disagreement. They can passionately argue their stance without devolving into contempt for those who disagree. They stay focused on the issues instead of making it an ego battle over who is right or wrong. Through their example, they raise the level of discourse. Now, why are all these so important? Because despite our differences, the world desperately needs each person's unique brilliance and contributions. So take a look at how you handle disagreement and criticism. Do you fight contempt with more contempt? Or can you maintain poise and discuss opposing views rationally and respectfully? If we sat down for just 10 minutes, I could show you what to look for and how to develop this skill yourself. Because at the end of the day, you get to control how you respond when disagreements arise. Always check yourself before you wreck yourself. Control your emotions; don't let them control you. The best leaders get this. Remember... the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge of the week is to practice disagreeing without contempt. Notice when you find yourself in disagreement with someone - whether a close relation, colleague, public figure, etc. Before reacting, pause and get grounded. Check your emotional state and get in control of your reactions. State your differing view respectfully and try to understand the other perspective. Afterwards, reflect on how well you were able to disagree without devolving into bickering or hostility. What can you learn? Practice this critical skill this week.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
02 May, 2024
Today, I'll be diving deeper into the vital role that coaches, mentors, and supportive friends play in guiding us through times of transition and growth. When you find yourself in the midst of change, uncertainty, or a major life transition, it can be tempting to try to go it alone. We may feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness. The truth is, we all need guidance and support at various points in our lives and careers. Think about a time when you were faced with a significant challenge or decision. How did you navigate that situation? Did you try to figure it out on your own, or did you reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals for support? I can attest from my own experience that having the right people in your corner can make all the difference. When I was going through the twists and turns of growing my business and figuring out my next steps, I leaned heavily on my coaches, mentors, and close friends. One of the coaches who has been particularly impactful in my life is Ryan Stewman . Ryan has helped countless entrepreneurs and sales professionals break through their barriers and achieve greater success. Through his coaching and guidance, he's helped me gain clarity on my vision, improve my sales and marketing strategies, and stay motivated and focused even when the path ahead seemed unclear. Another invaluable resource has been Lumenaria E. Goyer , a fellow coach and healer. Lumenaria has a unique ability to help people tap into their deepest truths and unlock their full potential. Her insights and support have been instrumental in my personal growth and development, enabling me to show up more authentically in my business and in my relationships. And then there's Neville Joffe , a business and cash flow strategist who has become a trusted mentor and friend. Neville has a wealth of experience and a keen analytical mind, and he's helped me navigate complex challenges, make difficult decisions, and stay grounded during times of rapid change and expansion. Finally, I have to give a shout-out to my dear friend Cody Toussau . Cody is a fellow entrepreneur, and he's been a constant source of encouragement, wisdom, and accountability for me. He's the one I turn to when I need a fresh perspective, or a gentle push to keep moving forward. These are just a few of the incredible people who have helped me find my way through life's roundabouts. I know I'm not alone. We all need that kind of support and guidance at various points in our lives. So, the question is, who are the people in your life that can help you navigate the twists and turns you're facing? And if you're not sure where to start, feel free to reach out to me. I'd be honored to listen to your story, offer my perspective, and connect you with resources and people who can support you on your journey. Because the world needs you, and your light deserves to shine brightly. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to evaluate and strengthen your personal circle of support: Reflect on the major decisions or growth edges you currently have in your life and work. Honestly assess any gaps in the support and wisdom you require. Then, make a list of the coaches, mentors, friends and advisors who currently provide guidance. Also, reach out to potential new mentors, join a mastermind group, explore coaching programs, or get vulnerable with friends about needing their perspective. Invest effort this week into building up your personal circle of guides - the diverse voices who can provide support. The world needs your brilliance, shining even brighter from walking alongside these lights.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
29 Apr, 2024
Have you ever found yourself driving through an unfamiliar town, only to come across a peculiar intersection - a roundabout? I remember the first time I encountered one when I was living in New Jersey. At first, it seemed completely foreign and counterintuitive to me. Instead of a traditional four-way stop or traffic light, you simply entered this circular intersection and had to navigate your way around it, exiting onto the road you needed to take. The experience of driving through a roundabout is a lot like the journey of life itself. You're moving forward, but not in a straight line. It can feel disorienting, especially when you're not used to it. Just like navigating a roundabout, life is full of twists and turns, moments where we have to make decisions and change direction. You may find yourself asking questions like, ~ Where am I going? ~ Where am I called to be? ~ Who am I called to be? ~ How do I get where I want to go when I can't see clearly? It's in those times of uncertainty and change that we need people in our lives who can help us see what we can't see for ourselves. That's why I'm so grateful for the coaches, mentors, and friends who have walked alongside me, especially during the times of transition and growth in my own life and business. So, who are the people in your life that help you navigate the roundabouts? The world needs your brilliance, your light, your unique gifts. And you don't have to shine that light alone. Surround yourself with people who can see what you can't, who can offer guidance and support as you navigate life's roundabouts. In my next newsletter, I'll be diving deeper into the vital role that coaches, mentors, and supportive friends play in guiding us through times of transition and growth. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to identify the guides who can help you through life's roundabouts. Identify 1-2 people (coaches, mentors, friends) already in your life who can provide that guidance. Commit to leaning on them this week. If you lack key guides, take action to find them - research coaches/programs, join a mastermind, get honest with a wise friend about needing their perspective. Remember, the world needs your brilliance, and you'll shine even brighter with the right people illuminating the path beside you. Take steps this week to surround yourself with guides for this season.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
25 Apr, 2024
As I wandered the serene paths of the farm, my mind couldn't help but drift to the profound words of Kahlil Gibran in his masterpiece, The Prophet. The soft glow of the moon illuminated the vibrant wisdom echoing through my soul from his lines: "Do not live half a life... and do not die a half death. If you choose silence, then be silent. When you speak, do so until you are finished. If you accept, then express it bluntly. Do not mask it. If you refuse, then be clear about it, for an ambiguous refusal is but a weak acceptance. Do not accept half a solution. Do not believe half truths. Do not dream half a dream. Do not fantasize about half hopes. Half the way will get you nowhere. You are a whole that exists to live a life, not half a life." Gibran's words resonate deeply, compelling me to ask myself... ~ What are the ways in which I have been living half a life? ~ Have I truly been using 100% of my gifts, abilities, talents, and experiences? ~ Have I expressed myself fully in all areas of my life? Gibran's wisdom compels us to confront ourselves honestly. We cannot delude ourselves with half-truths or fantasize about half-hopes. To live authentically demands complete commitment - a wholehearted embrace of our purpose and passion. The great poet reminds us that such an approach leads nowhere. We are meant for greatness, to live lives that shake the universe. Each of us carries our own brilliance. When we show up halfway, the world loses apiece of the mosaic it longs for. So let this be your charge - to live with such passion that the world cannot help but be forever changed by your presence. For in the end, that is the greatest measure of a life well-lived. Remember... The World Needs You and Your Brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge this week is to choose one creative project or expressive outlet and devote concentrated time to it with your full self. Whether it's writing, painting, dancing, singing, building something with your hands - pick a creative pursuit that lights you up. Make it your priority practice. Block off 2-3 hour time chunks to immerse yourself completely in the creative flow without distractions or multitasking. Show up 100% focused and express yourself boldly through this medium. When you naturally start to lose momentum or inspiration, stop and reflect in your journal. What did this experience of whole-hearted creating teach you? How can you apply that energy to other areas of your life? Your brilliance shines through full creative expression.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
22 Apr, 2024
Are you capable of disagreeing without contempt? Very few people truly are. One of the greatest flaws inhibiting great leadership is not being capable of having a civil disagreement. As Utah Governor Spencer Cox stated when he became chair of the National Governors Association, "Our country is deeply divided. We are facing a toxic debate unlike anything that we've seen since the Civil War...we have to find a better way." Cox didn't tell Americans to simply agree with each other. Instead, he acknowledged that healthy debates are "essential to a functioning political system." The critical point he made is that we must learn to disagree with less hostility. The ability to do this boils down to three key factors : Separating Leadership from Title True leaders don't let their position or authority make them think they are above disagreement or criticism. They understand that honest debates and differing perspectives are vital for growth, innovation and credible decision-making. True leadership is a calling, not a title. 2.aMastering Emotional Intelligence The best leaders have mastered this. They don't take criticisms or opposing viewpoints as personal affronts. They can engage debates without getting emotional or lashing out defensively. 3.aRaising the Level of Discourse The greatest leaders understand the vital need for respectful disagreement. They can passionately argue their stance without devolving into contempt for those who disagree. They stay focused on the issues instead of making it an ego battle over who is right or wrong. Through their example, they raise the level of discourse. Now, why are all these so important? Because despite our differences, the world desperately needs each person's unique brilliance and contributions. So take a look at how you handle disagreement and criticism. Do you fight contempt with more contempt? Or can you maintain poise and discuss opposing views rationally and respectfully? If we sat down for just 10 minutes, I could show you what to look for and how to develop this skill yourself. Because at the end of the day, you get to control how you respond when disagreements arise. Always check yourself before you wreck yourself. Control your emotions; don't let them control you. The best leaders get this. Remember... the world needs you and your brilliance. ACTION: The Upside Challenge of the week is to practice disagreeing without contempt. Notice when you find yourself in disagreement with someone - whether a close relation, colleague, public figure, etc. Before reacting, pause and get grounded. Check your emotional state and get in control of your reactions. State your differing view respectfully and try to understand the other perspective. Afterwards, reflect on how well you were able to disagree without devolving into bickering or hostility. What can you learn? Practice this critical skill this week.
Upside Your Business & Your Life!
