Understanding the 3 Forces of Why
LisaMarie • August 23, 2021
Success coach and emotional resilience expert, Suzanne Dudley-Schon shares her brilliance in this week’s Upside Thought.
Suzanne understands that the beingness of leadership matters more than the doingness of leadership.
You can take all of the tactical leadership actions that generate success and not be a leader worth following.
This week, she’s written about examining what matters most and why – one of my favorite topics!
Happy Reading!
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The intention and force in asking “Why” can produce very different results and each holds value.
1) Why as operating system for a person or business.
In the realm of coaching and self-help work, “your personal why” or your business mission “why,” is well understood as a core motivator. When it’s out of alignment with someone’s true principles, it’s like getting directions from the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz or being the scarecrow. Beyond the personal, businesses can flounder if the “why” isn’t clearly defined to function as a unifying system.
When your “why” motivator is aligned with your values, it sources your energy, focuses your action, and helps you stay on point with your bigger objectives and goals. It’s a prime element of self-empowerment.
2) Why of emotion.
When we ask “why?” from an emotional state such as frustration, anger, upset, resentment—it’s often generated from an inner complaint. It can crop up if we’ve encountered something we don’t like, don’t understand, or find unpleasant. It’s reactive in nature and can be infused with a sense of powerlessness. The internal monologue may sound like: “Things shouldn’t be this way. It’s not what I want, it doesn’t feel good, it’s not fair, and I can’t do anything about it.”
Sound familiar? For me it’s my internal self in a fit of pique, stamping my foot on the verge of a meltdown, like a toddler desperate for an ice cream cone when I’ve been told it’s time for a nap.
While this “why” brings forth emotional honesty about how something feels, it’s highly subjective and doesn’t necessarily give an accurate assessment of the actual situation. In the search for truth—there may be countless “emotional truths”.
This why, however, can teach us about ourselves. With reflection we can discover how we respond to pressures or dynamics. We can see and investigate our “buttons/triggers”, notice our behavior, and ask ourselves powerful questions. Why are we upset? Is there something of value to be understood about ourselves or others? Is there something constructive to do? While external, objective answers aren’t necessarily found, there is often valuable, personal insight gained.
3) Why of genuine curiosity.
The why of curiosity is driven by an open mind. Detached from heightened emotions, it tends to be objective and focused on data and a sense of impartiality. The answers to this why bring us to the observable and factual that is generally common to all perspectives. This kind of neutral inquiry provides information from which to make tactical and strategic decisions.
What I find interesting is how each force of why can serve us. It’s a matter of awareness, election, and implementation.
To make decisions it’s best to consider all the why forces influencing us. What is most relevant to the situation. For example, is it a moment to respond more from our hearts and feelings? Or is it an occasion that requires our logical mind? Or a call of our higher purpose? Or a custom blend?
We function best when we are integrated and whole. When making choices from our whole, aware selves, there’s less chance for a tail of regret to follow—that becomes a tale of regret. By slowing down to notice the forces of why, the drivers at play, we equip ourselves well.
ACTION: The Upside Challenge of the week is to take extra time when deciding.
Notice what “why” is at the helm of your choice.
Is it the one aligned with your values?
Is it reactive and full of feelings?
Or objective? To quote the Star Wars movies, “Use the force for good.”
The post Understanding the 3 Forces of Why appeared first on Upside Thinking.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
June 16, 2025
For a good portion of my life, I found it difficult to hear God's voice. Mostly I heard just static. Every so often, I'd listen to a song or get a nudge to do something, and mostly it was just quiet in my prayer time. In 2020, something broke open for me. I had been in a terrible place, working very hard in a few different areas. Yet, overall, I felt my life was stuck - and I wasn't making any progress anywhere. I looked at closing my business down and getting a job. My head was hurting from running into what felt like stone walls, and I was plain tired, battered, and bloodied. And I was embarrassed that I wanted to throw the towel in on things I had been working on for years. While many of the leaders I was coaching were doing well, I couldn't figure out the missing piece for where I was standing. And I was getting angry as it seemed my whole life was on the verge of one big meltdown. On a walk in my neighborhood in Virginia, I looked up at my street sign. I lived on Faith Court. The irony of God bringing me there. I decided that I would just start talking to God, and began asking Him questions as if He were walking beside me. I'd often sent clients on God walks, and today I felt this was my last hope. As fast as the questions came, so did the answers. Pieces of my life became clearer and I got an explanation of what had been going on behind the scenes when I thought God had forgotten about me. At the end of my walk, I had a re-commitment to going where God was leading even if it didn't make sense. It was profound and has led me to where I am today. Maybe you’ve felt that silence, too. That deafening quiet when you’re asking for direction, begging for clarity, and all you get is static. And maybe you’ve also been tempted to quit—to let go of what once felt certain, just because the road got too hard, too confusing, too quiet. Yet at times this silence isn’t a void, it’s an invitation. What broke open for me didn’t come from striving harder. It came from walking with God like He was right there beside me—because He was. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to ask God one real question today. Just one. Go outside. Take a walk if you can. Leave your earbuds behind. Imagine Him walking with you, then ask. Not with fear. Not with desperation. Just… ask. And listen. You might be surprised by what you hear when you stop trying to figure it all out and simply make room for Him to respond. You don’t have to get it right. You just have to get moving.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
June 9, 2025
Have you ever struggled with taking action on what you really wanted? Have you ever wondered if you’re not living up to your full potential? Research shows most people regret the choices they didn't make and the chances they didn't take at the end of their life. Yet, I get how sometimes fear can paralyze you from moving forward with what you want most. Over the past several years, I've been learning how to walk by faith, moment by moment. And when I look back at my life, I realize this has been a journey that began a long time ago. I would never have left working in Federal law enforcement if I didn’t take the journey from fear to faith. When I made the decision to turn in my resignation, my dad wanted to know why I was going to move from the steady income of a 6-figure government gig... ... to a zero-dollars-promised opportunity opening up my own business. I had no business degree, knew no one who had ever owned a business, and was living 3000 miles away from my closest friend or family member. Still, I took the leap of faith and trusted a net would appear. That's what most folks don't get. You have to take the leap BEFORE the miracle can show up. The journey to get from there to where I am today wasn't a solo effort. The people around me shaped my growth. I chose to surround myself with folks who think differently — who have challenged me to grow and evolve way beyond what I knew. The right leadership and different communities I stepped into gave me the confidence to move forward, even when the path ahead wasn’t clear. That’s why I believe coaching and community are essential for anyone who wants to go beyond where they are at this moment. See, every day you get an opportunity to decide what you are going to do with your life. Moment by moment, time moves forward without regard to your answer. Where do you need to take a leap of faith? Remember, your life is simply the sum total of all of the choices you've made. If you’re not happy with where you’re at, make different choices. It really is that easy. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to examine your decisions and see where you might be playing it safe. Because comfort doesn't change the world.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
June 2, 2025
When I was at the bottom of the pit, I stood in the darkness wondering how I had gotten there. It was so dark that I couldn’t even see my hand in front of me. And, deep down I knew how I got there… … yet to admit the truth would mean I had to look at all of the actions I had taken to get me to the abyss I was in. It would require me to take personal responsibility and be accountable for my actions. At the time, denial seemed easier. Blaming others seemed simpler. So I did. ~ My family history. ~ My background. ~ My genetics. I traveled a long and winding road to discover that the light I was seeking was in me all along. It takes me back to a widely publicized interview of two brothers. One was wildly successful… a wealthy professional deeply respected by his peers. Another was homeless… an alcoholic living from street corner to street corner. When asked how they got to where they were, both of them credited their father. “See… my daddy was an alcoholic…” yet they each took different roads. One took the road of personal responsibility and accountability. The other took the road of shame and blame. The tale of two brothers was living out in my body at that moment in time. One of my clients who I worked with over 10 years ago sent me a message after seeing one of my Facebook posts. “I thank God for amazing people like you and for giving me the opportunity to benefit from your knowledge and guidance from the first day we met (even from a distance). Thank you for reminding us of the true meaning of life and for inspiring us to be our own person. “Go out and shine your light.” - Lisa Marie Platske. You can take credit for some of the positive changes I made in my life. May He continue blessing you and all the people around you. Biggest hug.” She was in the same pit I was in years ago, and now she’s thriving using the tools I gave her. Most of my clients are fighting for peace… … for health … for happiness… … for success… … for meaning. They’ve sacrificed for others and been left bleeding by people who they called “friend”, lover, and even sometimes spouse. Many of them have seen the worst of the worst, and have the battle scars to prove it. And there is a piece of them that understands they too are destined for More. That there is a reason they’ve lived through this. I have had that same revelation and it’s why I’ve been to the bottom and am here now speaking about how to tap into your Divine Mission purpose and calling. I was given those experiences to be of service to others. There by the Grace of God go I. That is MY story. And, it just may be yours too. So if you’re trying to make sense of where you’re at, and it just feels dark all around you… ... remember the light within you. It’s there. And then remember, you weren't meant to walk this journey on your own. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to think of a time you found yourself in a dark place, where it felt like everything around you was falling apart. Name one choice you made that led you there. Then, ask: “ What would it look like to choose differently today? ” Your past doesn’t define you. Your decision to rise does.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
May 26, 2025
Have you ever had one of those days where it feels as if nothing went the way you planned? ~ You’re late for work or... ~ You spill something on your favorite shirt or.. ~ You get in a fender bender. Or, worse… ~ You get a call from your doctor and are diagnosed with something you wouldn’t wish on your enemies. ~ You lose your biggest client and/or you lose your job. ~ The love of your life says they don’t want to be with you anymore. Let’s be real… There are days when life can be heart-wrenchingly painful. And, there may be days when you want to stay in bed and wait for tomorrow to come. It's easy to forget that what we tell ourselves about these situations matters. The story we tell ourselves and others become part of our beliefs. I get how easy it can be to give up on days like this, and how tempting it can be to give in to the feeling that you did something wrong to cause this. I’ve been there. In business… … I’ve lost close relationships. … I lost big opportunities. … I lost my belief in myself. And I’ve been lied to and betrayed more times than I can count. There was a time, years ago when I lost sight of my Divine mission, and applied for a job when I had a full book of coaching clients. My confidence took a beating and I didn’t know how to move forward. The good news is that with the support of friends, family, and a strong coach - and leaning on the Holy Spirit - I got clear on what I needed and what was important to me. And I practiced forgiveness, for myself and others. I told myself through each challenge, that these were great lessons, full of learning that I could share. And, I created a community where thinkers, leaders, and world changers could come to do their work. You can focus on what you see as negative in the situation and make excuses for why you’re standing still. Or you can find the upside and create solutions to get to where you want to go. It’s really your decision. You are where you choose to be. So, if you’re going through one of those days in your life… …or one of those weeks… …or one of those months… …or what feels like one of those years… I get it. Take a Godwalk. Place your attention on where you want your focus to be. Decide what the most constructive story to tell yourself that aligns with what you want would be. Then, commit to taking action on what you truly want. Make peace with anyone with whom you are out of alignment with in your life using the power of forgiveness. The 1st person on your list may need to be you. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to practice the art of writing your life when things are hard. Being aware of the story you are telling yourself with each experience. What's the story that will serve you best so that you move forward productively? If you get stuck, take a God walk, and then pick up the phone to connect with someone who appreciates who you are - and where you are on your life's journey.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
June 16, 2025
For a good portion of my life, I found it difficult to hear God's voice. Mostly I heard just static. Every so often, I'd listen to a song or get a nudge to do something, and mostly it was just quiet in my prayer time. In 2020, something broke open for me. I had been in a terrible place, working very hard in a few different areas. Yet, overall, I felt my life was stuck - and I wasn't making any progress anywhere. I looked at closing my business down and getting a job. My head was hurting from running into what felt like stone walls, and I was plain tired, battered, and bloodied. And I was embarrassed that I wanted to throw the towel in on things I had been working on for years. While many of the leaders I was coaching were doing well, I couldn't figure out the missing piece for where I was standing. And I was getting angry as it seemed my whole life was on the verge of one big meltdown. On a walk in my neighborhood in Virginia, I looked up at my street sign. I lived on Faith Court. The irony of God bringing me there. I decided that I would just start talking to God, and began asking Him questions as if He were walking beside me. I'd often sent clients on God walks, and today I felt this was my last hope. As fast as the questions came, so did the answers. Pieces of my life became clearer and I got an explanation of what had been going on behind the scenes when I thought God had forgotten about me. At the end of my walk, I had a re-commitment to going where God was leading even if it didn't make sense. It was profound and has led me to where I am today. Maybe you’ve felt that silence, too. That deafening quiet when you’re asking for direction, begging for clarity, and all you get is static. And maybe you’ve also been tempted to quit—to let go of what once felt certain, just because the road got too hard, too confusing, too quiet. Yet at times this silence isn’t a void, it’s an invitation. What broke open for me didn’t come from striving harder. It came from walking with God like He was right there beside me—because He was. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to ask God one real question today. Just one. Go outside. Take a walk if you can. Leave your earbuds behind. Imagine Him walking with you, then ask. Not with fear. Not with desperation. Just… ask. And listen. You might be surprised by what you hear when you stop trying to figure it all out and simply make room for Him to respond. You don’t have to get it right. You just have to get moving.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
June 9, 2025
Have you ever struggled with taking action on what you really wanted? Have you ever wondered if you’re not living up to your full potential? Research shows most people regret the choices they didn't make and the chances they didn't take at the end of their life. Yet, I get how sometimes fear can paralyze you from moving forward with what you want most. Over the past several years, I've been learning how to walk by faith, moment by moment. And when I look back at my life, I realize this has been a journey that began a long time ago. I would never have left working in Federal law enforcement if I didn’t take the journey from fear to faith. When I made the decision to turn in my resignation, my dad wanted to know why I was going to move from the steady income of a 6-figure government gig... ... to a zero-dollars-promised opportunity opening up my own business. I had no business degree, knew no one who had ever owned a business, and was living 3000 miles away from my closest friend or family member. Still, I took the leap of faith and trusted a net would appear. That's what most folks don't get. You have to take the leap BEFORE the miracle can show up. The journey to get from there to where I am today wasn't a solo effort. The people around me shaped my growth. I chose to surround myself with folks who think differently — who have challenged me to grow and evolve way beyond what I knew. The right leadership and different communities I stepped into gave me the confidence to move forward, even when the path ahead wasn’t clear. That’s why I believe coaching and community are essential for anyone who wants to go beyond where they are at this moment. See, every day you get an opportunity to decide what you are going to do with your life. Moment by moment, time moves forward without regard to your answer. Where do you need to take a leap of faith? Remember, your life is simply the sum total of all of the choices you've made. If you’re not happy with where you’re at, make different choices. It really is that easy. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to examine your decisions and see where you might be playing it safe. Because comfort doesn't change the world.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
June 2, 2025
When I was at the bottom of the pit, I stood in the darkness wondering how I had gotten there. It was so dark that I couldn’t even see my hand in front of me. And, deep down I knew how I got there… … yet to admit the truth would mean I had to look at all of the actions I had taken to get me to the abyss I was in. It would require me to take personal responsibility and be accountable for my actions. At the time, denial seemed easier. Blaming others seemed simpler. So I did. ~ My family history. ~ My background. ~ My genetics. I traveled a long and winding road to discover that the light I was seeking was in me all along. It takes me back to a widely publicized interview of two brothers. One was wildly successful… a wealthy professional deeply respected by his peers. Another was homeless… an alcoholic living from street corner to street corner. When asked how they got to where they were, both of them credited their father. “See… my daddy was an alcoholic…” yet they each took different roads. One took the road of personal responsibility and accountability. The other took the road of shame and blame. The tale of two brothers was living out in my body at that moment in time. One of my clients who I worked with over 10 years ago sent me a message after seeing one of my Facebook posts. “I thank God for amazing people like you and for giving me the opportunity to benefit from your knowledge and guidance from the first day we met (even from a distance). Thank you for reminding us of the true meaning of life and for inspiring us to be our own person. “Go out and shine your light.” - Lisa Marie Platske. You can take credit for some of the positive changes I made in my life. May He continue blessing you and all the people around you. Biggest hug.” She was in the same pit I was in years ago, and now she’s thriving using the tools I gave her. Most of my clients are fighting for peace… … for health … for happiness… … for success… … for meaning. They’ve sacrificed for others and been left bleeding by people who they called “friend”, lover, and even sometimes spouse. Many of them have seen the worst of the worst, and have the battle scars to prove it. And there is a piece of them that understands they too are destined for More. That there is a reason they’ve lived through this. I have had that same revelation and it’s why I’ve been to the bottom and am here now speaking about how to tap into your Divine Mission purpose and calling. I was given those experiences to be of service to others. There by the Grace of God go I. That is MY story. And, it just may be yours too. So if you’re trying to make sense of where you’re at, and it just feels dark all around you… ... remember the light within you. It’s there. And then remember, you weren't meant to walk this journey on your own. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to think of a time you found yourself in a dark place, where it felt like everything around you was falling apart. Name one choice you made that led you there. Then, ask: “ What would it look like to choose differently today? ” Your past doesn’t define you. Your decision to rise does.
By Lisa Marie Platske
•
May 26, 2025
Have you ever had one of those days where it feels as if nothing went the way you planned? ~ You’re late for work or... ~ You spill something on your favorite shirt or.. ~ You get in a fender bender. Or, worse… ~ You get a call from your doctor and are diagnosed with something you wouldn’t wish on your enemies. ~ You lose your biggest client and/or you lose your job. ~ The love of your life says they don’t want to be with you anymore. Let’s be real… There are days when life can be heart-wrenchingly painful. And, there may be days when you want to stay in bed and wait for tomorrow to come. It's easy to forget that what we tell ourselves about these situations matters. The story we tell ourselves and others become part of our beliefs. I get how easy it can be to give up on days like this, and how tempting it can be to give in to the feeling that you did something wrong to cause this. I’ve been there. In business… … I’ve lost close relationships. … I lost big opportunities. … I lost my belief in myself. And I’ve been lied to and betrayed more times than I can count. There was a time, years ago when I lost sight of my Divine mission, and applied for a job when I had a full book of coaching clients. My confidence took a beating and I didn’t know how to move forward. The good news is that with the support of friends, family, and a strong coach - and leaning on the Holy Spirit - I got clear on what I needed and what was important to me. And I practiced forgiveness, for myself and others. I told myself through each challenge, that these were great lessons, full of learning that I could share. And, I created a community where thinkers, leaders, and world changers could come to do their work. You can focus on what you see as negative in the situation and make excuses for why you’re standing still. Or you can find the upside and create solutions to get to where you want to go. It’s really your decision. You are where you choose to be. So, if you’re going through one of those days in your life… …or one of those weeks… …or one of those months… …or what feels like one of those years… I get it. Take a Godwalk. Place your attention on where you want your focus to be. Decide what the most constructive story to tell yourself that aligns with what you want would be. Then, commit to taking action on what you truly want. Make peace with anyone with whom you are out of alignment with in your life using the power of forgiveness. The 1st person on your list may need to be you. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to practice the art of writing your life when things are hard. Being aware of the story you are telling yourself with each experience. What's the story that will serve you best so that you move forward productively? If you get stuck, take a God walk, and then pick up the phone to connect with someone who appreciates who you are - and where you are on your life's journey.
