How to Enjoy Deeper Relationships in Your Life

My mom and I had a rocky relationship growing up. After my Daddy left, I suppose I was more affected than anyone understood. This was the 1970's and 'divorce' was a dirty word. Folks don't want to talk about the emotional carnage it leaves. My mom was forced into a situation she didn't choose or want ... ... and me and my younger sister were left to deal with it the best we could. In my teens, I blamed my mom for lots of things — and was disrespectful to her more than I'd like to admit. Perhaps it was because we were more alike than not ... ... and I didn't have any tools to deal with how I felt. Regardless, when I left home after college, I didn't leave on great terms. And at the time, I was too stubborn to make amends. Yes, there were seasons when I didn't speak to her or she didn't speak to me. And I never felt good when those were going on. At 55 years old, I have dealt with and healed the heartache, trauma, and pain that happened early on in life. It's given me deep compassion and wisdom ... and I desire to be able to love like Mother Mary does. This has helped me tremendously in my leadership coaching practice. While my mom and I still have our bumps now and then, today she's one of my favorite people to spend time with. Even when I'm frustrated or she pushes my buttons, I love who she is. I tell clients you can determine what you value by examining where you invest your time, energy, or money. My mom gets a lot of all three ... and I wasn't with her on Mother's Day yesterday. And we've got plans next month to go to the Jersey shore together as a family — as well as four other getaways, and one just the two of us. Whether you're close to your mom or not, or whether she's here or passed away, I hope you can reflect on one good memory today. Just one. If you're a mom, I hope you had a happy Mother’s Day. We don’t become strong leaders because everything goes smoothly. We become strong because we’ve lived through what we thought might break us. We lead how we heal. The work I’ve done with my mom ... learning to forgive, to listen, to understand ... that’s the same work I bring into the room with clients. You can't lead people well if you haven't faced your own stuff. The more I’ve grown, the more space I can hold. The more I’ve softened, the stronger I’ve become. And the more I’ve healed, the more clarity I have when it comes to what truly matters. That’s leadership. It's the transformation more than the titles or the wins. ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to reflect on one part of your story that shaped who you are today. Maybe it’s something you used to hide or pretend didn't happen. Ask yourself: how does this part of my journey still influence how I lead, decide, or relate to others? The goal isn’t to fix anything — it’s to get honest about how your inner story is shaping your outer leadership. Because the more whole you become, the more powerfully you can lead.

Siam struggled for years and tried everything he knew to do. First, he rebuilt his website. Then, he spent money getting people to listen to his podcast. Next, he mapped out a social media strategy with a digital marketing agency. Lastly, he went all in on paid advertising. He was working long hours, missing out on time with his family. And Siam’s bank account kept shrinking, and he couldn't figure out why nothing seemed to be working. And that’s when we met. Siam was the older brother of a friend of mine, and she thought I could help him see the missing piece. I agreed to meet with him over Zoom. He was direct and told me he wasn't sure why his sister wanted us to meet. I, too, was direct with him and shared that she watched him struggle in business -- and believed the work I do would be valuable to jumpstart new opportunities. I shared my desire to listen and be of service if he was interested. Still a bit bristly in his demeanor, he said he wanted to hear what I had to say. After I asked a few questions, over 30 minutes, he softened and started to open up about the business. I began putting the pieces together and could see that Siam thought he had to do business like everyone else, and it was killing him. He spent the last 24 months trying to grow the business with very little to show for it, and his confidence had taken a hit. I could see through his bravado with a whole lot of tenderness because I’ve been there. When you don’t stack the wins fast enough, everything around you starts to feel like a loss. You begin doubting your worth and value, and when that happens, ... ~ it’s hard to build a great website, ~ it's hard to write on social media, and ~ it's hard to attract the people you’re called to serve. Sometimes, you can't see what you need to shift, so you start chasing tactics trying to fix the problem. Rarely are tactics the issue for a stunted career or a stalled business venture. If you don’t first figure out who you are, what you want, and why it matters, none of the tactical elements for business growth will work for you. You've got to get clear on your mission, values, and vision. From there, you can look at patterns getting in the way. We all have blind spots, and no one can see their pitfalls on their own. When you get clarity, confidence follows. Then, bigger opportunities will start to show up. Yet, if you could see your blocks, you'd remove them. Siam got that he couldn’t walk this journey alone. The best leaders get it. To get the greatest ROI, focus on leadership. Focusing on tactics, technology, or other shiny objects won't get you the big paycheck. Siam and I worked together one-on-one, and he got his leadership IQ dialed in. I was also able to help him write new marketing materials -- after he got clear, and the results led to a 39% increase in business. Today, he’s making his mark on the world. Increase your leadership IQ because the world needs you and your brilliance.  ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to identify the one thing that is draining your energy and not delivering results. Maybe it’s a commitment that no longer aligns, a habit that is having you overwork, or a task someone else could handle. Let it go. Growth isn’t about doing more; it’s about making room for what truly matters. When you clear distractions, you create space for divine opportunities to flow. Today, remove one thing that’s holding you back and trust that what’s meant for you will rise in its place.

According to MIT professor Pierre Azoulay, who analyzed 2.7 million people who founded companies between 2007 and 2014, a person who starts a company at age 50 is TWICE as likely to get acquired or go public than a founder at 30. Here are some specific examples: ~ Vera Wang didn’t design a dress until she was 40. ~ Mary Kay Ash started Mary Kay Cosmetics at 45—the same age Henry Ford was when he created the world-changing Model T car in 1908. ~ Arianna Huffington started The Huffington Post when she was 55, and Louise Hay launched Hay House at 58. ~ Writer Harry Bernstein published his first book at 96—then went on to write three more before he died at 101, commenting that his 90s were the “most productive years” of his life. You have opportunities all around you. There will always be people who will tell you you're ~ Too old, ~ Too young, ~ Too inexperienced, ~ Too experienced, … …and the list goes on and on. Life happens in the here and now, moment by moment. Don’t subscribe to someone’s timeline for your life. Don’t let a fear-based approach put an expiration date on you or your dreams. You only get one life. I’ve had people tell me I should slow down, that at my age I should be content with what I’ve built. And I know in my soul—I’m just getting started. If you feel the same pull, a Private, Leadership Retreat might be the place to step away, challenge what’s holding you back, and step fully into what’s next. Be clear about Who You Are, What You Want, and Why it Matters, so you can do what you love—and keep doing it—from a place of choice. ... Because that’s how you get to the health, happiness, success, and meaning that will give you an inner peace that few folks ever get to experience in this lifetime.  ACTION: The Upside Challenge for the week is to examine where you might have bought into a commonly held belief about who you are that gets in the way and limits what you want. Challenge it. Then, defy it. Choose an action step in direct opposition to that false belief. Because the world needs you and your brilliance. Now more than ever. Go shine your light. And at 55, I am clear I'm just getting started...